ughlife

So I haven’t posted in a while. My life started getting a little better, but now it’s just going down hill again and it really sucks. I am proud of myself, I don’t think about killing myself or hurting myself much anymore.

Ugh and I need to learn that I don’t need a boy to make me happy. But when a boy does come into my life he is usually what gets me out of my “suicide” phase I guess.

I think about killing myself every night. I don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed. I can’t even tell my family or any friends.

When I was in middle school I would have never pictured myself in high school and wanting to end my own life… I grew up pretty perfect, a rich family who loved me, friends I could trust, a Church that I always looked too. I didn’t really have any problems until my grandpa died when I was in 6th grade. After that I shut people out and never let anyone fully back in. It hurts to admit it but I’ve gone through so much alone that I can’t look towards people to help me anymore. What happened to that perfect little happy girl?

So me and his guy have been best friends for a long time and used to kind of “talk”. But for a long time I was getting over my ex who broke my heart and left me with trust issues. Then I’m finally over my ex and I start liking this other guy. He wants me to wait for him until the hockey season is over. I didn’t tell him that I was waiting for him, but I was and I kind of still am. But life is too short to wait for someone that might not even want to be with you. So I […]

So there’s this guy that I’ve always kind of had a crush on, but it was like an “If life was perfect” crush. I never would have imagined anything actually happening between us. But now he likes me and I like him. But he has a psycho ex girlfriend and because of her I don’t want anyone knowing about us. Because she’s the type that would target me and either mentally hurt me or physically hurt me. I’ve never been scared of anyone until her. But I feel bad for her because I can tell she depressed and lonely, so I’m there for her when […]

I think to myself how I want to die? like how I’m gonna commit suicide. Like will I slit my wrists? I mean I’ve cut myself before. No that’s to painful and I have no pain tolerance. Would I shoot myself? No I can’t pull the trigger. Would I hang myself? No there’s no where to do it. would I overdose. Now that’s the one I would do. I have held pills in my hand ready to take them down before, but every time what stops me is the thought of leaving and not making it to Heaven. Or the thought that if I go […]

I don’t know what to do.

I feel broken, useless, unwanted

I want it to be over.

I want to die..