I don’t know how or why, but I deserve all of this. I am a bad person. I deserve to be punished. I deserve all of the suffering I am a victim of. I am a bad person. I deserve all the pain I feel. I deserve this.
I don’t know who to apologise to.
Please no more.
I have had enough. I know I am just going to wake up tomorrow again and go through this whole routine once more. What must I do to make it stop? There is nothing in me anymore. Please let me be done. I can’t take it anymore. Please.
We were born into this world crying. We were stripped of our comfort and painfully thrown into an unknown and scary place. This world is inherently painful. We will leave it causing pain to others, contributing to the very suffering that loomed over us.
It is a mindless cycle of pain. There is nothing that anyone can do. Try and ignore the pain if you want, but that won’t mean that it will stop existing for you, or for everyone else. It won’t mean that babies will be born joyful and the dying would radiate happiness. It won’t change reality.
Everything is a part of the Universe. You are. Unfortunately I am as well. I am the part of the Universe that hates itself. I hate. That is me at my core, it’s what I am.
I genuinely hate everything. I hate you. I can’t say that it’s not personal. It is. I hate you in every possible way, because you’re a human, because you’re a part of society, because you exist in this Universe. I hate everything that exists. This is just what my function is. This isn’t a choice for me, but if it was, this is what I will choose.
These are not just words. I am an unpleasant person, both actively and passively. I cause suffering. I want the end. Your end. The end of the whole Universe. I can’t imagine what absolute nothingness looks like, but that is what I want. I hate you all so much. I hate myself too.
If the whole Universe wouldn’t end, I would settle for just the Earth. If the Earth wouldn’t end, I would settle for human extinction. And if not that, I will gladly settle for just my end.