I just cant do it tonight,
I want out
OUT…
out of me, out of this place,
fuck it all,
feel so useless, helpless, worthless
I should hold old, but how do you hold on when youve forgotten what youre meant to be holing on to?
watersoluble
Leave the curtains open,
so I cant endulge in my favorite activity.
Shutting the world out.
Its a skill one hones in on,
But no.. tomorrow,
I will apparently behave, as other humans do.
I have been told.
Have lunch with my family.
How much vodka will it take
to sustain the charade?
Well I havent finished the bottle tonight so
thats something.
Sleep.
Wake up (why)?
Pay my dues,
try to find a reason for;
Being,
Living,
Doing..
Existing.
You drift out of silent slumber and for a split second think everything is alright, but just as soon as a smile creeps to your lips, its gone again and the reality hits you, its not alright. You don’t know why but you’ve been slipping lower and lower until suddenly the enormity hits you and you have no motivation for anything. You eventually get up and leave the security of the smothering bed, but only because you’re made to.
You try to eat but have no interest in front of you, you’re beyond caring about hunger. Someone begins to notice and enquires as to whets wrong […]
Somewhat melodramatic perhaps but I just cant. I’ve had an alcohol problem for over 10 years now and I have no idea how too possibly beat it. Ive been depressed for as long as I can remember and even that seems in insignificant word to describe how i feel. Why should i not just die now, why the fuck not. It wont make any difference. Ive fucked up so much of everything that i dont know how to get back to any semblance of normality or life, or frankly if ive ever been there.
You are lucky if you have the strength to daily decide not […]
This was originally a piece of prose that I wrote 10 years ago that I’ve altered slightly. Im going through a bad bout of depression at the moment and feeling pretty low and although its about a younger version of myself it still feels somewhat relevant to how I feel now.
You wake up and for a split second you think
everything will be all right,
But it wont.
You don’t know why but you’ve been sinking lower and lower and
suddenly it hits you and
you find you have no motivation
for anything at all.
You eventually get up but only because you’re made to.
You […]