Author

waywardponders

Hoping for death or rebirth

by waywardponders 10/13/2016

written by waywardponders

I’m back to trying to kill myself. Seven years have passed since I felt like dying was my best option. The last year has been difficult and with each passing day, I feel like things are getting worse. I need to talk this out and here is the only place that I feel I can.

Starting in my teens I got into drugs as a way to cope with my problems. I was also suicidal and wanted to die, so I secretly hoped my drug and alcohol abuse would kill me. This reckless behavior continued until I was twenty eight, where I had a bad trip […]

10/13/2016 2 comments

Struggling to live another day

by waywardponders 7/8/2016

written by waywardponders

To start with, it has been a pleasure and joy posting and sharing with everyone on this board. If only I’d found this home years ago I might not be in the predicament I now face.

I had a difficult childhood that sounds all to familiar to so many stories here. I was hyper sensitive, shy, physically and emotionally abused, sevely lacking in self esteem, impulsive, addiction, compulsive, bullied and the list goes on.

When I reached my teenage years I got into drugs because I was in so much pain and was unable to talk to anyone about my problems and feelings. I was fearful of […]

7/8/2016 7 comments

Lifetime of pain has unlocked

by waywardponders 7/3/2016

written by waywardponders

I am in so much pain. I have unlocked my heart and am feeling all the pain and reasons for why I got into drugs and locked it up. I remember all the prayers I made to God as a kid asking for help and to be relieved of this suffering, they all went unanswered. I felt so alone with this and that no one would understand what I’m going through. All this pain, now greatly increased as an adult by the reckless life and poor decisions I made.

My memory and hearing issues feel insignificant to the pain in my heart. I feel all the […]

7/3/2016 1 comment

Pushing past of the past

by waywardponders 6/5/2016

written by waywardponders

Hi, this is my first time posting. I am up late at night because I am having trouble sleeping. The night before last I attempted to hang myself but it failed. It was more of a test run then a full blown attempt. Not finding success, in the morning, I bought charcoal and a grill to try that method. I assembled the grill, placed it in my car and that is as far as I got. In the end, I am not ready to kill myself, but all the pain and regrets of my past feel like they are killing me slowly and painfully.

I am […]

6/5/2016 4 comments