I am in so much pain. I have unlocked my heart and am feeling all the pain and reasons for why I got into drugs and locked it up. I remember all the prayers I made to God as a kid asking for help and to be relieved of this suffering, they all went unanswered. I felt so alone with this and that no one would understand what I’m going through. All this pain, now greatly increased as an adult by the reckless life and poor decisions I made.
My memory and hearing issues feel insignificant to the pain in my heart. I feel all the suffering in the world, from humanity and animals to the plants and trees. All of it is inside of me, overwhelming me and I have no idea how to end all the suffering or how to make the pain in my heart stop. As a kid I would hide and cry. Even now I feel like crying. Sobbing for both my pain and the suffering of the world that I feel.
For as long as I can remember I’ve been suicidal, the idea lurking in the back of my mind. The only time the negative thoughts would go away was when I was high. In the last year I have quit my addictions and the idea of suicide. Now all this pain and suffering going back to my childhood has resurfaced and I have no idea how to deal with it.
I have never told anyone these feelings and thoughts for fear I’d be called crazy and ostracized by family and friends and/or sent to a mental institution. These where my thoughts as a child. Now I don’t feel this way as much. But I do feel like my heart, soul and mid are being ripped apart. Thank you for listening.
1 comment
If a person is experiencing so much pain that you’re describing, the only thing then to do is get help from others. You’ll not be able to handle this on your own. Also, it’s understandable to be afraid of being ostracized, just reach out to people that you trust the most. Otherwise, you can always see a therapist. O and I’m glad that you quit your addictions, it shows impressive willpower on your part.