I guess the days are painful. A type of pain that will never go away. There is nothing I can do about it. Nothing that anyone can do about it. The pain will never stop. I cry for help, but there is no point. The pain will never subside. The more I beg my mind for mercy, the more in punishes me. The mind is powerful, finding enjoyment and release in the most painful of things. The splitting and burning sensation of ones skin, the self inflicted pain creating such indescribable pleasure is frightening. The pain is good.
I spend my spare time crying mostly. Often I cannot stop. Forgiving myself has come to be one of the hardest things on my agenda. The most difficult thing to overcome. Who knew that the hardest thing to overcome would be yourself. Who knew that in one moment you will barely be able to overcome the choice of eating breakfast or not.