I am about to prepare myself, both emotionally and physically, to die. I was enthralled by the story of Haley and Jake. Haley lived in New York, Jake in California. They met and fell in love, but couldn’t be together because of the physical distance. Long story short, they killed themselves and died to be together. I find myself in the same situation. I love him so much. But I love my baby too. Well, not my baby. I know she will be taken amazing care of and won’t remember me. It will cause her no pain. What do I do? Yeah, yeah, I know. […]
I’ve been beaten
I’ve been bruised
I’m a miscreation
Over these things, I have mused
I turned to negative outlets
Popping pills and getting high
Addicted the red rush of cuts
I became so different. Why?
I’m trapped in this world of shadow and energy-sluts
No one to love but I
I’m all alone
Who cares if I die?
I’m out here on my own
I don’t matter to many
Very few, actually
That, if any
But I can cope
I will hold my head up high
Claw my way up this downward slope
And you may be curious as to why
It’s because I am perfectly flawed
Perfectly imperfect, beautifully impure
My uniqueness has been outlawed
But I’ll get through it, I’m sure
I realize that this is a repeat of last evening. I apologize for bothering everyone all over again. I’m so sorry to bother you all again. Please forgive me… I want to die, but I don’t want anyone to care. I want them to rejoice with me, and celebrate my life, not mourn my death. I want them to love me for who I was, not who I have become. I am a nasty, bitter, selfish little *****. I hate myself. And so do you, deep down. You don’t know me, but somewhere in you too bleeding hearts, you harbor a nasty disgust for me. […]
I sit alone in my bedroom
I lie alone it what will one day be my tomb
I close my eyes and
Slowly extend my hand
I feel it now upon me
That luscious thing I cannot see
It is a rose petal on my fingertips
Spider silk upon my lips
Touching darkness, a dangerous thing
But it makes my heart sing
I an consumed by my dark lover
It is I she covers
She whispers to me words of deadliest desire
But there is no burning fire
Only blessed cool chills of night
I slip into the world of no light
Here I am King
Oh, touching darkness, the joy it brings
I see you look at me
The black and white of your eyes
You cannot truly see
It is all truth or lies
No in-between
There is no gray
Do you really know what I mean?
Each is a monochrome day
It’s all white or black
You live or you die
You can’t take it back
Why try?
It’s all the same
Who laughs and who cries
Who cares who left and who came
At least, in your checkerboard eyes
I must turn away now, for fear
Of you, of us, of me
I turn away from the mirror
I cannot see
I am a mildly-practiced person of above average clairvoyancy. I see things that most people don’t want to see. That they should never see. I know who calls before I pick up, I know what suit the first three cards in a deck are. I’m not kidding. My mind’s eyes has only scratched the surface of a fully open state. But that’s enough. Something is coming. Whether it affects all of us, or me alone, a tempête is coming. A huge disturbance. It is almost here. If it affects just me, why would I wait to die a slow death at the hands of Mother […]
My name is Elora Schrader. I am thirteen years old, and I was hospitalized last March for an overdose of prescription drugs. My parents are druggies and drunks, and I beg for them to notice me, but nobody listens and nobody hears me cry. Because, in the here and now, nobody cares about anyone but themselves.
I have deconstructed a pencil sharpener, removing the blade. it is 10:35 PM. I will not do anything until 11:00. I hope that I will see or hear, something, anything to change my mind. I don’t WANT to do this again, but it is the only solution. Not just to […]