General

I asked in a previous post, “And now what?”, and I suppose I’ve decided a next step.  Despite the many people urging me to make another attempt I’ve decided to try something I’ve never done and that is to speak with a therapist.

It will be the first time in my life I’ve spoken to a mental health / behavioral health specialist and I’m absolutely terrified.  I made a call today and received several names as reference and have telephoned each to speak with them though, I have no idea how to select the “right” one.  Hell, I don’t even know what to expect.  Will I […]

One word becomes hundreds, thousands, millions. Haters out to make a killin’. Suicide is a deep and dirty thought, but hell. None of this is gonne stop. So I grab a rope, a blade, and some pills. Something to end this monster Something to help me kill. I wish someone could have saved me, but no one would. See, I was Ms. Little Misunderstood. An outcast to society, a target to my generation. All of it seems to be a misled occasion. Seems to me as Im unwanted, here. So tonight I’m leaving but who would even care? Tie the rope to my fan, […]

so here we go again i really just want some one to talk to this girl she was my besst friend i told her every thing she could make me feel better no matter what and i dated her sister huge mistake nothing against her just i ruined what i had with the girl that i was best friends and we fixed what happen and now were friends i guess but not like befor we dont even talk and she just ignors me alot like some times we would talk and other times she would blow me off it seems like we havent talked […]

I have been in a depression for 3 months know. No one has noticed. I have been cutting myself with scissors for 3 months. The cuts are clearly visable in my arms. No one has noticed. Part of me thinks that no one has noticed because no one cares about me enough to notice. That probably is not true, but right now it seems like its the only logical explanation as to why no one has noticed my pain. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I am not happy with my life. My only sweet and cute boy is autistic. My wife is in depression and does not behave well with me. My health is almost drugstore. Have BP, sugar, spondilitis,knee pains with software job. My age is just 33. I want to advice youth not to marry rather prefer livein relationship. Try not to go for baby it will make things much more complex.

Maybe this is it. everything that’s happening here and now, however horrifying and unbearable. Maybe there is nothing to do about it and there is nothing can be done about it. Maybe bearing it for as long as one possibly can and when it gets to a point when it’s not possible to bear any longer then the only thing there is to do is to die. temporary fixes can no longer really fix anything that’s damaged at the core. And everything that makes us laugh will at some point makes us cry. Truths are depressing but […]

I feel so alone. Even my best friend- the one that was my reason to live- is slowly drifting away. Our friendship has changed so much, and i’ve tried to do everything I can to make things okay, but nothing is working. Even when I tried telling him this, he didn’t understand. I tried to trust him and he let me down.

It feels as if no one notices me. I don’t fit in with anyone. I’m unloved. I’m not cared about. I have nothing to live for.

All I want is a reason to stay alive. I need someone that can make me feel good- someone […]

For me, Hope is a terrible thing.   Hope makes me believe that somehow, things will get better.   But, nothing ever gets better.   It just keeps getting worse. 

I wish I had no more Hope.    Without Hope,  I could end all this pain and sorrow. 

I hope that one day, I will have no Hope.

So I have been cutting lately again and have gone back into deep depression. I actually want help this time, so I want to see a therapist. I asked my mom if I could and she just asked “Why?” and I said “Just to have someone to talk to.” What else can I say to convince her, but without her knowing I cut again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HYiaYyfp8Q

all gon

all lost

all things

cut to the bone

sink in deep

send my sole to the dark

good luck in reeding the note

cos you know i cant spell

you know i never will

you no i cant take it

YOU KNOW IV HAD ENUF

take it to the limit to the limit one more time

the thing that kills me evrey time

seeing you smile and jokeing

kills me evrey time

Since I have lost my family, I live alone and I feel very lonely.My mother passed away 18 years ago and my father married another woman and he has left me, he has never even called me.I don’ t have any brother and sister or any relative.I feel desperate I try hard to find someone who could understand my situation or could share some love and care for me.I have found a family at the moment they have had some financial problems and they has become homeless.I decided to invite them to stay in my house where I used to live with only myself. They […]

This is the second time i have posted something on here, My first time was all about me and my situation and I was feeling really down at the time but when I came back to see the comments I was happy again and didnt think I would need to write here again. But my axiety towards life is getting worse and worse. Iam afraid of what I will do, as my emotion go from one extreme to another when Iam happy Iam exstatic but when Iam sad it is something unbareable. My emotions play alot around my situation with my boyfreind when Im with […]

All this time she cheated on me. I knew about it, i didn’t care. Some days she  reluctantly said “i love u”. Then the other day she didn’t want anything. When i was with her he called all the time. She just pressed the red button from her cellphone. Maybe no need to say more. Have a good one

Why did he tell me he loved it when I smilled if he was just going to make me cry? Why did he hold me tight if he was just going to let me go and not come back? Why did he tell me he loved me if he was just going to break my heart? It’s not fair. Same stupid heartache. That boy makes me feel so special and low at the sametime. I want to pick up what I can carry and just run away. Forget his name. Forget his face. Forget all the kisses he gave me and the […]

So, I have finally seen someone about my mental health. They assessed me and gave me a diagnosis. I am glad to know that I wasn’t crazy all this time, and I wasn’t making it all up.

The psychiatrist said I have severe depression and indicators of Borderline Personality Disorder. I have thought that for years, I need help with my affect regulation.

It’s comforting to finally be told that, someone confirming what I have known for years.

However, they don’t have DBT around here, and my only other choices to get better are medication and seeing a clinical psychologist.

The only other thing that is left on my […]

I hope death will bring me peace
I hope this will be the last time I hurt
I hope it works this time
I know I deserve this pain but I can not take it anymore
I know I deserve everything I have coming my way