General

Depressed…that word doesnt even cut it for the way i felt..the love of my life was gone,,he got taken away from me. Everything seemed like a nightmare that i couldnt wait to wake up from..but reality is, this isnt a nightmare its real….i went to his viewing, and there he was, laying down oh so still in the casket. A blue casket, his fav color. They had pictures of him everywhere from when he was little until now. pictures of me and him as well,people there wouldnt stop looking at me,like if i were about to faint any second.. but i didnt care, i didnt […]

I don’t really know how I ended up here, writing about myself.

I was okay, I really was…. until my friend came to me, telling me that they want to commit suicide. I tried to help them, and I know it wasn’t my fault, but i just feel like i failed them. It doesn’t help when nearly all of my friends are the same. They all want to die. And i just feel like i have no one to talk too because i don’t want to pile on to their problems. I don’t want to give them another reason to leave. I try to see the […]

when i went out to finally see him, i stopped halfway,because..there he was at the gate.i could see him and my stomach wouldnt stop doing backflips! he was just standing there, smiling with his hands in his pocket,he motioned me to get closer and so i did. i was infront of him just a few centimeters away..i smiled and he just gave me the quickest hug EVER haha i guess he was nervous too..we started walking around and we went to sit at some benches behind the apartments, we sat down and he just wouldnt stop staring o.O i was blushing like crazyyy, i mean […]

Earlier today I posted this: If you wonder why

Now, I want to post this. Because, you see, EVERYONE can help someone:

I was here. It was 2 in the afternoon and I was still in bed. I got up to feed my dogs and let them outside.

I got a glass of tea for myself and sat at the kitchen table. I was going to drink it as I waited for the dogs to finish eating. Then I was going back to bed. It would be safe there.

All of a sudden my neighbor was at my front door – screaming and crying. […]

I have a familie,how do i prepare them and help them with the loss when i am gone.

As a baby, I was obsessed with knights and the role they played in protecting people. I guess that’s what made me title this post in that way. Anyways, I don’t really know if this will help anyone. I guess I’m just putting it out there because at least I’ll know I did something. I would talk about me and my problems but trusting people has never been my strong point and to be honest, I think it’s too late for me. The least I can do is give tips and help other people. I am not forcing you to listen to me. That’s the […]

I told you I would cause you stress, I told you I would cause you pain

I even told you the reason why I cry

out in the rain

I told you I loved you

and you knew it was true

why did you take my heart

and rip in in two

Hi i have a question to any one who would like to comment.Is suicide selfish? i will try to explain why i am asking this question. i tried to commit suicide in October last year by taking an overdose of Valium. well i didn’t die, much to my surprise when i woke up alive in the hospital. My husband found me and called an ambulance and well here i am alive. So after i got out of hospital i was in there for a week i went through the whole rehabilitation thing more medication ( i have bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder) more therapy and […]

Hi, this is my first time writing on this sight. It’s unfortunate it has to be under these circumstances. I’ve suffered from depression since I was 13. I’m 41 now. I’ve thought about suicide numerous times, but I always knew I wouldn’t do it. I always hoped that the future would be better. Now I’m afraid because I’ve been considering suicide again, but with a calm level head. I have something’s in my life that are too dear to me to hurt with such a selfish act, but the pain I’m feeling inside has gotten to be too much. I think admitting myself is the […]

Back on Effexor again. It was helping. Then the one person you love most and who you thought loved you yells at you and calls you a failure.

Not everybody can see the pure sense of life… and death.

So, fuck this shit man. Fuck it all. I’m tired of feeling so down for no reason. Today may be the day I depart from planet Earth.

Know what’s worse than any diagnosis, loss, or environmental or economic situation?
==> Understanding.
I’m good with words. Ironic that when it comes to explaining to someone that the once functional, upbeat, charismatic person they once knew is now someone who cannot even string together “I’m suicidal”. Life is showing me the door….yet I remain standing in the doorway, like a guest that’s overstayed they’re welcome….not leaving. talk about crazy.
Apparently, my curse is understanding. There is no blame here. No rant. No anger. Just understanding. I understand I do not belong. I understand I don’t belong anywhere or to anyone. I never have. There […]

If you come here wondering why we do it, here’s some answers:

We tried to stay.

We reached out for help and were told we couldn’t be helped. We were told our insurance wasn’t accepted or we couldn’t afford treatment. We were treated less valuable than others who could hold a job and / or were able / willing to go into debt.

We tried to tell someone. Here. In emails, letters, text messages, phone calls. Sometimes it was just a few words but it was the best we could do. It was hard to know just what to say.

We tried to show someone. We cut. We starved. […]