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-___________-I’m back to square one. The ones I trust don’t understand what I’m going through and now everyone thinks its funny to call me a slut and they think I’m lying about being sexually molested by my old friend v.v i give up
I’m in one of those scarily destructive moods where I’m torn between screaming and breaking things or curling into a ball, crying and hurting myself. And because I am resisting both I am just sitting still and silently wishing to die. I need to save myself but I don’t know how.
I need stability and a clear mind.
In July, my best, Eleanor, lost* her father.
In August, she lost* her mother. Eleanor and her brother then moved into her grandmother’s house.
In September, her aunt flew down from Brooklyn. Eleanor, her brother, and her grandmother moved to NYC with the aunt. By and by, in my own personal life, my uncle died suddenly. I was very close to him and needed him very much.
In early October, my english teacher had two heart attacks in very quick succession, and she died.
Let me clear something up: I am not sad that these people died. It sounds cold, but let me explain. In the […]
After everything, i hate myself more than ever. My boyfriend hates me, i have no mother or any family to support me. Today was the last straw, with my boyfriend taking everything out on me, I don’t want to be here.
But i’ve realised, i have friends that support and love me, and if they knew i was this low, they would be looking after me every minute of the day, the drink takes the pain away. But i can’t do it, i’m scared of anyone finding me dead
I’m not jogging anymore, because people began to notice me and laugh when they saw me in the streets. It just made me feel even shittier about myself.
Back to the drawing board.
Its really really getting to me…. and its all from my MOTHER… i just want to runaway and be HAPPY
If today was my last day alive i wonder who would miss me? i wonder if my mother would realize she was the cause of me killing myself with of all the emotional abuse……. smh probably not, only thing she would be worried about is how much money she can get out of my death. Every since i told her that im a lesbian its been HELL, it was hell before i came out but it
I feel unwanted. I feel empty.
I feel like I shouldn’t be here.
Like I wasn’t supposed to be here.
I was mistake from the day I was conceived.
Since the day I was born.
Even up until today.
And every day to come.
I will always think “I’m a mistake.”
“I was a mistake.”
Why am I here?
No one wants me here.
…that I keep for myself is silence.
It’s snowing for the first time this season, and I feel that winter insulation already – peaceful, relaxing, soothing. I love snow. I hope we get 20 feet of it this season.
Tonight I had more thoughts of killing myself, I had the pills and everything. But I couldn’t just the thought of failing again and having to spend weeks in hospital. I put the pills away for next time, I guess people talked me out of it again.
Well, after contemplating for a couple hours, I finally decided to post something. The main reason is because I mean who the hell wants to listen to some teenager going on about how depressed he is when there is no reason as to why he would be? I have a roof to sleep under and food to eat every night. I don’t get bullied. I don’t hate myself or think I’m ugly or stupid. I have no good reason to want to die. Â But yet there’s something inside me that is tearing me apart. I have no emotions any more. I just want to die. […]
I’m ugly I’m really ugly. 3rd time of chemo and I’m already really sick, ive lost over half my hair and its terrifying i’m scared I’m really scared. this is causing even more pain. should i kill myself now or carry on suffering in pain? cancer is to hard its awful and i dont see how im going to survive! ive been getting messages that im worthless, ugly, useless, good for nothing and that i should go kill myself. the hurtful things people have said to me its to hard to cope,…. how much longer can i last??? i feel really weak and helpless last night […]
hey everyone. my computer is broken and I’m posting from my phone. I’ve had a horrible night. finally thought I was getting better. met the bastard who ditched me when I had a miscarriage. ended up getting smacked in the face when I wanted to talk about it, but when the police showed up I didn’t have the heart to send him to jail. in the end good people get fucked. so I’m gonna do it tonight. wish I could talk to you but miraculously my computer broke tonight. fuck life and it’s assholes. bye everyone
The mirror, the enemy of us all. I just stared. I looked at my ugly image and cried. Why am i so imperfect? i can’t bare it. Every inch of me theres some strange.. imperfection. If you asked what was wrong with me, i’d make a list of billions of things. “You’re not pretty, you are WORTHLESS!” i say to myself. I feel somewhat selfish writing this post, but i just want it to let me and everyone else know i hate myself, i bully myself. i’m not always in the mood, but i try to keep my mind off things. Watch something funny, eat […]
If anyone here would like to talk, i’m open for talking. I’m a great listener and I do express concern to the best of my abilities(which isnt much but it is my best)
I’m not sleeping anytime soon and would enjoy reading your stories.
Email me. RainAlicia@ymail.com
I can’t do this anymore, I can’t go on with the pain of being without her. I’ve tried everything, I’ve tried to be patient and all I’ve done is delayed the inevitable. I just want to give up, I want the pain to stop. No matter what I do I just can’t help myself. Nothing is going to change that she is gone, and no matter how far I run the ending will still be the same.im supposed to be young and happy, living in the best part of my life, yet it feels like hell and time just seems to crawl, I just want […]
I’m sick of waking up each morning. I’m sick of going to work. I’m sick of shitty customers who are trying to put words in my mouth or make me misspeak so they can get something for free. Or complaining about a non-issue just to get a discount. I’m sick of debt that I’ll never get out of, or school that I’ll never return to because of the debt. I’m sick of laying down ten hours of my life at my dead-end job so I can have just enough money to pay the bills for my shitty single bedroom apartment just so I can have […]
Acid drips sickly from black hearts
Fuck the world, save the arts
Crash the car, save the parts
Then let the armageddon start
‘Cause only then will the hearts of men be cleansed, so fuck this world of sin
….Just fuck the heartless world im in.
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