General

My friend  told me this today

You know your beautiful right? Even with the scars on your body and heart. I’ve never met anyone more beautiful or as  strong as you. 

The reason I’m sharing this is because I think that everyone has there own beauty and there own strength.

So stay beautiful people!!!!

I laugh at people when they say love exists. I laugh at people when they say they love someone. I laugh at people when they say they’re good hearted. I laugh at optimists. I laugh at heaven. I laugh at people when they say everything is going to be alright.

God is a joke. He puts us here to pass a test while i don’t want to fucking participate. Then he will put the believers in heaven and non and other believers in hell.

Well god, fuck you.

I believe in hell, satan and in everything that’s evil. I would love to brutally murder someone with a knife. […]

Priority 1: Self preservation

Priority 2: Reproduce

This is what we are taught, but it’s not what I see.  People give their lives in the pursuit of acceptance or due to lack of it.  Would this not mean that there’s a successor to self preservation? Suicide cults, military, suicide bombers all willing to give their lives.  The Asch experiment on conformity proves that we’ll sacrifice what we know is right, in order to “fit in”.  It is my belief that the Asch experiment only scratched the surface of what we will do, in order to be accepted by the ones we wish to emulate.

Priority 1: Acceptance

Priority 2: […]

A lot has changed since I last wrote on here. I’m no longer happy, I’m right back where I was, even worse maybe. My ex-best friend threatened me, saying he’d tell everyone that my mom’s a drunk and abuses me, when she isn’t a drunk, and she has never abused me in my life. I haven’t gone to school in two days, in fear of seeing him. I’d rather run away from my problems, than face them and that is something I’m not proud of. The worst part of this all, is I did this to myself. I didn’t need to be his best friend, […]

It’s beautiful, the red,
dripping down my arm.
Joining and splitting,
like a river with many divides.
It’s all I see.
No matter where I look,
it’s there.
The beautiful red.
It seeps down through the water,
turning the light blue into a dark, dark pink.
My life’s pain and worries slipping away.
Finally it stops.
And I clean it.
Then another dream of nightmares comes into reality.
And everything starts over.

I haven’t done any of this lately, since my last razor died.  But I was thinking about it again today, so I’m posting this poem I wrote in September last year because it reflects […]

Can you count my ribs for me? 1, 2, 3, …

Grab me by my hip bones, snap them, set me free?

Can you handle breasts once full

Now void of Goddess magic?

Can you play a song for me something kind of tragic?

Can you gently place your fingers upon my protruding spine

Hold me close and tell me everything is fine?

Can you take the hollowness deep within my soul

Fill it with some hope,  just fill this fucking hole?

I like dem bones I’m seeing, I like to watch them grow.

I like to see the skin shrink, stretched out tight like a bow.

My way of dying may be boring and even […]

Hi
im just messed up.
If i make any move it has a number of consequences…… The expected becomes the unexpected. I used to have hope but i dont. Every morning i cant get up of the bed. I feel lonely im just sick and tired of how everything turned out to be?
When i look at the mirror i see a different person and thats not me. His face is thin. He experiences hair loss. His beauty is fading away. Im just 18 and i cant live like this i was given false promises its just exhausting. Im tired of hating myself. Im […]

1. Don’t let them see the real you.

2. Smile

3.Don’t believe anything you hear

4. Never trust they will only betray you

5. Never give in to the voices

6. Try to survive

I put a big fake smile on my face, it’s my mask I wear to pretend. They say a smile makes everything better, so thats what I do. Smile. They won’t ask questions, they won’t see the truth. I need this smile, but it always fades, slowly gone. By the end of the day I fooled everyone, but at night I cry, I break down, I’m slowly dying. I don’t know what to do, should I give in? And lose my smile, lose it all. I have to pretend, I need it. It’s what’s keeping me alive, and what’s slowly killing me.

I’m so upset. Finally aia found out the boy that I REALLY likes likes me back. and yesterday we talked about how we were going to fix things…. its the next day, he wont even look at me. He is flirting with 2 other girls, and im forced to stare at him in class while he takes pictures with another girl. Great… Fuck my life.

I don’t care anymore.

Things are getting out of hand.

But I don’t care anymore.

My mom and dd have been divorced since I was 2.

Now my dad is working on my mom and I’s new house.

He is talking to my mom.

And they are getting along.

He is mean to me.

He treats me like trash.

I don’t care anymore.

I’m going to dish back exactly how he treats me.

I’m sick of looking up to someone who has no respect for me.

When I have always shown […]