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it hurts so much knowing the person i need the most has to be far away…even more so when thats a permenent fact and can never be changed….thank god for technology but it still makes me sad that my bestest friend ever cant be right next to me:(
It’s all i think about
Can’t get it out
So hard to resist
all i have is a small razor
so i drag the blade across my legs and arms
wishing to do myself much more harm
one day, one day
…Suicide
so i’m drunk again its got ahjjld on me. but i’m all riht with it for now. but honestly i just wana hav a conversation. i don’t reall talk to people any more, but despiute my social anxiety i still miss interaction. so i cant pro ise a fully intellectual conversation. Â ut i wouldn’t mind talking to someone =)
I made a post a couple months ago about a girl that I loved who cheated on me and left me. And how I thought that I had nothing left. Thanks to you guys I moved on and forgot about her. But she came back into my life and acted like snitching was wrong. I didn’t want to be mean, so I welcomed her presence. She led me on again and I fell so the same trick. She got me to care for her again and broke my heart again. I’m a moron for falling for it but the real problem is that I haven’t […]
I laughed the loudest, who’d have known?
I took my time, I hurried up. The choice was mine I didn’t think enough.
I’m too depressed, to go on. You won’t be sorry when I’m gone.
I never thought, I’d die alone.
Another six months, I’ll be unknown.
Give my things, to all my friends. You’ll never set foot in my room again.
   Today, one of the worst days of my life. It well.. started yesterday. Me and my boyfriend had an argument. Turns out he doesnt trust me. This is the second time he thinks im cheating on him! Anyways, we were talking..them came the yelling, and well then nothing. He left. Just like that. So today, at school i tried to talk to him, say sorry. But he would ignore me the whole time. I ended cutting again… Its been like 2 weeks that i havent cut until today..at school. I guess i needed it again. To help me take my mind off things. and […]
Love. It’s such a simple thought, yet it’s so complicated. We spend our whole lives looking for that one person. That one person that loves you unconditionally. That one person that wants to be with you forever. That one person that understands.
I found this person 7 months ago. He’s perfect, absolutely perfect. I couldn’t ask for anyone better. He understands i’m manic depressive. He understands I sometimes need my space. He understands I’ll be suicidal. It’s a feeling of content in your heart, when you know you’ve found the one and only person you want to be with forever.
So I never really loved anyone in my life. I don’t really like my parents either. I was neglected by my mom, who is an alcoholic, and my dad that is always busy at work supporting the family. So i’ve been alone for about a good 15 years? I never had many friends. I couldn’t trust any of them. They’re just back stabbers. Not a single one of them was faithful. I was picked on throughout my childhood. So much that it just doesn’t bother me anymore. I really don’t care about many things now. People call me name but it’s whatever. I really don’t […]
Im not sure if this is the right place or time for this but here we go:
For the past years ive been struggling with my sexuality. Its literally been eating me alive since I finally realized that I was different from most guys. It consistently brings me down in a sense that the people that i love and surround myself with truly do not love me, but the shell i expose. Ive been able to calm my nerves for what seems like forever but as i enter college ive been exposed to new struggles that i honestly cannot deal with anymore. I cannot come […]
So today i almost broke down it was a tough day and it’s lke i can feel that tommorows gonna be a tough day too but i’ll survie right?? i mean i kinda have too. tommorw goals:
surive ( i have a sleepover with my friend if you look back at some of my earlier post i talk about her and yes she is the one who was calling em names adn stuuf but she said she wants to put in the past and that shes really sorry and that her parents might be getting a divorced so she took it out on me but i […]
The girl who seemed unbreakable, finally broke.
The girl who seemed so strong, finally fell and crumbled.
The girl who always laughed, finally cried.
The girl who never stopped trying, finally gave up…
In my Philosophy lesson today, a few of us somehow got onto the subject of suicide in hypothetical terms, we weren’t talking thoughts or anything, just methods and the practicalities of it; my friend said he thought jumping in front of a train would be the best way, but I think that’s too violent, too completely horrible for the people left behind. Anyway, we then discussed jumping from a high building and my teacher joined in, and he said something I’m finding difficult to forget.
He said that when people jump, in the spilt second as they fall, they realise everything: they realise every problem that […]
It’s a weird feeling. The first few days just felt hectic. Bit sick, but nothing too bad. Woozy more than anything. It seems to have stopped now though.
The side effects seem minimal so far. I can’t stop yawning. For hours after i take it, i yawn constantly. And feel a bit high, like my stomach is floating and i’m kind of doing a space walk. Been zoning in and out alot, not thinking about anything in particular but just staring into space. Other than that and mild sickness, things seem good on that front.
The biggest change is my mood. I seem incapable of negative thought. […]
I have no right to be fucked up, my life circumstances have never been that bad.  I am not even depressed, I just feel empty and without purpose. And I am at that age where finally all my dreams are supposed to become true, but I don’t feel like putting any effort in achieving them. I should be working right now, for example, instead I’m here. Maybe I just don’t care that much… to be honest, I don’t know why do I not have any motivation…
What is weird though, compared to other people I know, who have depression, is that even when I feel good, […]
Hello…I’ve never been on something like this…But here it goes…
I was with this guy for almsot 4 years…I really, really fucking love him…The second week of school…He doesn’t talk to me, hold me, hold my hand, hug me, or anything…In first hour he left…I get a text saying that he is breaking up with me….He quit his job, quit school, and broke up with me…I cut……..We met up so I could give some of this things back…..He said he still loves me, hopes for a future, only me, blah blah blah………..He starts dating someone else…………..Someone that has an STD…..they’ve been fucking around and everything since […]
It is the unloaded gun that I keep putting to my head. I want to feel what I felt the other night. The surge of emotions, the rush, that fled through me when I did not know the outcome. When I didn’t know that in that moment it might be my last breath, my last tears. With the gun unloaded, I know the outcome. I will live. I will live until I know that I can load the gun again. I need something that I cannot get out of life any longer. But I keep going, I keep trying because I am strong. I am stronger […]
I was just prescribed Vyvanse and even though I have not taken it every day in the last 2 weeks I am thinking that it really revs up the suicidal thoughts. Same with Lorazepam.
Anyone else…?
A girl at work made me listen to the voicemail that her husband left her right after he slit his throat in a suicide attempt. I was shocked at the time but now that I’ve had time to process, I cannot stop thinking about it. I am extremely upset. I have attempted suicide once and no matter how happy I feel like I am on the path to becoming, always return to thoughts of worthlessness, uselessness, etc. I am just falling back into a dark place right now and was hoping to maybe at least hear from someone who understands.
I found this via the links SuicideProject has on the right… And I beLIEve it is worthy of consideration, since our suicidal minds are already preoccupied with real world experience/ multimedia amusement/ wtf worry/ lack of sleep/ cognitive issues/ etcetera… Though, really, who else gets us besides maybe two people irl if we’re lucky? Read if you dare.
http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/10/10/social-anxiety-can-fuel-compulsive-internet-use/45844.html
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