General

I am gay and I hate it. I am in my late 30s and so dislike the gay lifestyle. It appears for gay guys looks are everything and personality is not. I don’t have good looks and constantly rejected by guys because of my looks. I wish I was never gay as it been a curse than a blessing. The guys I have been interested in have played games with me and so sick of of it. I have asked God to change me but I realise the only big changes is if I die

So tired of being myself but myself is all i know

i want to die so desperately but am scared to leave people behind

but that’s all i’ve been doing lately- hurting what was mine

I hate to think of what my death would cause so i keep postponing it, hurting myself even more

i don’t know why i live this way, if you can call it living

wake up, hate myself, think, ‘what’s the point doing this anymore?’

Each day brings a deeper cut, stepping that bit closer to the edge

i’m getting to that stage where i don’t i can pretend i’m alright anymore

it hurts when people close to me don’t even realize what’s wrong – or […]

My husband has always suffered with depression, we’ve worked through most issues, but just recently he’s sunk further than ever and I don’t seem to be able to say or do anything to help. He’s talked about ending his life and having nothing to live for although we’ve been mostly happily married for 7 years (no kids, both our choices).

I am there for him, I give him his space when he needs it, physical attention when he wants that (not often!) but what I’d like someone to tell me is…what does he really want from me?

ps I have asked him and he won’t talk about it […]

I don’t know what to do.  My sanity is slipping away.  Everything is swirling into darkness.  I’m going nuts.  I can’t do this anymore.

It isn’t optimal, and I will hurt a lot of people by doing it, but I need to die soon.  Should I drive up to the train tracks and wait?  Lay my neck across the tracks and hope that my body will run around like a chicken after my head is cut off?  Or, god forbid, buy a gun?  Such a convenient and reliable way to die.

Fuck.  I should do this soon.  Write a note to my family.  Get all of my […]

Just about every night they come over me, and they’re getting intense.  What am I supposed to do?

Population: over 6 billion. Major western powers: USA. My country: Australia. My view of it: Slowly sinking down hill. Why? Mainly politics, but there’s some other factors that are found not only here, but everywhere. Ignorance is a main one. But not just any type of ignorance, it’s the type when people honestly think they know and understand everything. It pisses me off because I want to scream at them for being so ignorant and acting like they know everything, but I can’t bring myself to because I know they honestly think and feel like they do. I use to be the same. It comes […]

I have spent hours revising and rewriting… Not out of fear I feel too whinny… Rather my view changes… Like one moment I will feel “It’s all good, everything is fine” to “No one gives a sh*t about me”

However when I do bounce back and get ‘happy’ again, it doesn’t last long for I am awfully sensitive…

Example: During lunch I wanted to be with my friend(which I hold near and dear), she was in a classroom and the only way to get in was to do a secret knock. I happen to know this secret knock, so when I do it I expect to have […]

It’s hard growing up, forced to figure out this world alone.
Be wakened by screams… Screams from the only person that cared, that was always their….WHO WAS RAPED AND TAKEN.

Y me?! Y is it always fuckin me?!   Once again I’m sick as a dog… I can just barely get my ass out of bed to go to the bathroom or eat… My tonsils r swollen to almost blocking my airways, I’m gaging on them, coughing, and have a fever at 106…. We cant brake my fever and my dad hates hospitals almost as much as i do.. This happens every month 2-3 times… Ill get so sick i wont even get out of bed… My mamas bf will have to carry me upstairs to the couch so they can watch me, i hate […]

Hi i was a guy suffering from schizophrenia and bipolar disorder from a young age. But i never knew there was treatment available for these problems. Alas i was destroyed completely by the age of 22. i think my few friends understood i was mental and kept giving me positive comments even when i was unintentionaly rude to them. Then i decided to change myself. i went to a martial arts school first. it was useless because the problem was with my mind not my body. Then i turned to Yoga. i tried inventing new methods of meditation. But accidentally i aroused my kundalini. i […]

Life is so dismal right now.
I’m not really suicidal. This isn’t like straight up depression. I’ve been there. This is just intense pain. Not the black cloud hanging over my head, just the knife in my chest.
Nothing can go right.
My mom just got diagnosed with cancer. It’s far along. I can’t bring myself to ask if she’ll be ok.
This summer, my friend died.
I was ill for months.
My little bro was diagnosed with epilepsy.
My boyfriend was away all summer.
My ‘best friend’ lied to me for months and is abusive to me. I can’t seem to make myself get […]

It happens to me every time..

I’ll be in the car. My mind will start wandering. I’ll look out the window and look for oncoming cars. I close my eyes, hoping that as soon as I close them, a Semi will crash into my door. Just like you see in the movies. But for me, I’ll die on impact.

-A.C

I’ve been trying to write a post on this site for hours, but every time i write what i am feeling, i think it is too whiny.
It sucks that the things people say to me in RL holds control over me, even in this setting.
I’m pathetic

I’m 16 years old have had depression for 3 or 4 years have felt unwanted and not loved every body around me is fake even my own family talk about me behind my back my dad is always yelling at me for not being who he want me to be and compares me with others, my mom is always depressed saying she wants to die i am so tired of the same things fights and arguments i have thought about suicide but i am scared of pain i never been scared of death i’m just scared of the pain i am going to experience and […]

how to end the pain? how to get out of the laberynth of suffering? i think i will feel this way forever. Months pass and i never seem to find happiness in my life. there are days when i don’t cry but im always hurting. I hate myself and i hate all the things that have made me this way. why cant i be a normal 17 year old who is out making memories with her bestfriend or enyoing her teenage years. something blocks me from reaching happiness. i feel numb and i feel like i just want to cry and die and lock myself […]

i have one friend.   i cant confide my feelings in them becuz they dont wanna hear about death.  so  i dont say anything.  my family gets upset.

everyone says im imagining things.  im talented, pretty, smart, …everything that i know im not…..

i dont know why they keep saying those things.  they KNOW its not true. they just dont want me to feel bad.  but it just makes me more angry becuz i know they’re just trying to “ease my mind” of some sorts.

every boyfriend ive ever had, has left me.  its cuz im not pretty enough.  i KNOW thats what it is.  im a GOOD […]