General

I have had the idea on my mind since I was like 12 (I’m 33 now). The things that always kept me from going were the same as any one else’s (i guess): hurting those I leave behind, to fail the attempt, going painfully or scared. I mean, most of the ways of doing this succesfully are either extreme, violent, creepy or too painful. I know it sounds like I’m the afraid one, and maybe that’s partly it, but also, I can’t get off my mind the fact that someone will find me, and someone will tell my people how i went, so it’s already […]

I just found this site. I’ve been looking for a place where I can talk about wishing for death without everyone jumping on me and talking about the wonders of life.

I hope I found it.

What would you do if you told someone that you tried to overdose on a medicine and they just tell you that next time to just take the right amount… and you kept letting them know that you tried to overdose and they tell you to take the medicine because it would be good for you even though you just took way too much of it?

Ive had a crappy day ,I don’t know how much longer I can stand this.

These are songs that explains what I been going through and how I deal with it:

1. Earlyrise-Narcissistic Cannibal

2. Avril Lavigne- Alice(Underground)

What’s your song?

Bad things happen. I am aware of that, for some of them i was responsible,some had to happen sooner or later ( I guess because we had to learn a lesson), and some are just tragic consequences of reality which is a cover for “caused by other people”.

I don’t feel suicidal i am not even mad, the emotions are exchanging quickly one  replacing the other. These last few hours i am acting like i am already dead,not paying any attention to the world around me.
What happened was not my fault,it can’t be. But i can say one thing, this experience taught me a great […]

yes i wanna die no i probably wont die idk what to think, everything else on top it all. makes me cray. today: good day. BUT IM SICK OF BEING IGNORED BY MY BF! idk what to say or do anymore. i think i might just stay a while longer..i just wish i had my bf by my side..

I Keep waiting, for something to come up or change everything. I’m done. I just want to feel free.To end up all this pain. I just don’t know if it worth waiting this long. Im just wanting to end this. I don’t know what else to do. I have stayed here for so long, just because I  thought I had something else to hold on. Something else to do. Someone else to make happy.
I just feel so lost. I really don’t have any idea of who I’m right NOW. Holding my life on my hands, cuz is just a matter or a second that […]

Im 23 and homeless with no friends or family or money..cant work. Ive been wanting to just die necause my existance is completely worthless. I really wish i had a normal life so i dont kill myself or have somebody do it for me but its not. Im not interested in hearing how i shouldnt or go to some kind of institution because i wont. Im asking for an angel, or miracle. Is there anyone who will sincerely help me out of the kindness of heart. All ive encountered has been selfishness and uncaring people including my own mother. I need financial, mental and emotional […]

I think I see things. Like people, who aren’t there, or shadows that quickly go past me. Or i will think my mum is coming up the stairs and go ‘Hey mum’ To ask her something and nobody will be there. Then I will see a shadow. It doesn’t creep me out. If anything it makes me curious. But I want to know, am i normal? Should this be happening?

Also, I have depression

Fucking assholes

Just be fucking honest.

OMFG!!!

I swear I am getting more and more pissed off.

Errands = Busy with other friends.

Fuck you fuckers, just fucking tell me the truth.

And say that you don’t want to hang out with me anymore.

Once again,

I fucking get it.

I have had enough, gotta love sleeping pills and sleep cuz thats all i do

The world is full of do gooders who have no concept of pain and suffering but have a total belief in their sense of what is right. They cannot listen to reason because their belief overshadows all. Like someone trapped in their own body paralised and helpless and unable to control their own future however the do gooders will tell that person that their suffering is all part of a great plan and they will achieve salvation, the fact they will have to live in agony for years does not matter, besides the do gooders do not live in agony as every day they condemn […]

Ok, I live alone in a small one bedroom condo.  I tried hanging and finally got a good rope made in my closet.  It will work as when I did it I got light headed.  Trouble is I panic and then stop.  It is just so hard to do.  Thought about jumping from high above however I am so afraid of heights and know that I could never do that.  In Japan people get a van and have a charcoal grill in it.  Everyone in the van dies very peacefully.  Trouble is its not to popular in the U.S.  I never even light a charcoal grill before […]

im depressed, society has set us all up to fail.  pressure, social norms, ‘fitting in’  if you cant get a job, not in school and cant support yourself you have failed! I have failed! Im a total loser, yet I lie and fake my happiness so well no one has any idea of my suicidal thoughts.  I just want to die, why is life so fucking hard!!! I just want to die PLEASE!!!!!!!! Fucking kill me now!!!!!!!!

I thought I could do this. Living. But I can’t. Truth is, I am not strong enough. The easiest way out now would be to kill myself because honestly nobody would care. I just want to end it. I have so many emotions inside of me. I am angry, sad, depressed, annoyed, and so much more. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to die.

I’ve been skulking and lurking in and out of the site for a few months now. So hey, a great pleasure to meet you all.

I’ve decided that today is the perfect day for the grand finale, so I’d just have to throw my piece of words to the pile.

Now that I recall, I can remember predicting this outcome years in advance, yet judged that the risk was worth the possibilities such a life would unlock. No limitation or inhibitions, breaking down and examining everything in reality to acquire ultimate knowledge.

But perhaps it was inevitable. It depends on how much credibility can a manic-depressive get for […]

I know I wrote a post already tonight, but people have been really supportive and encouraged me to write how I’m feeling and stuff here, so I’m going to try. As I have mentioned in past posts, I have depression and PTSD as a result of seeing a friend commit suicide and being raped last year (among other events in my life). Since then I have felt so many terrible emotions, mostly aimed at myself. Disgusted, whore, alienated, *****, selfish, weak and freak are just some of the words that come to mind when I think of myself. I blame myself for letting it all […]