Will drinking help with suicide? I need a serious answer.
i was so cough with the thing that i was writing the i forgot, i forgot to introduce myself.
So hey, my name i’ll keep it anonymous but you can always call me Y, i’m 14, i’m a girl and yes i’m dealing with depression, from quite a while actually (since 2010) well not really a while.
Hmm yeah that’s all
hmm if you want to you can always check my secret account on instagram @cant.fixme (pretty much the same username)
And that’s all…. well for now
The past few years of my life haven’t been the best i may say, i always feel like i’m under water, like Ariel (the little mermaid) except that i can’t breath, i’m dying, gasping for hair watching all around me, people who sees me but don’t understand, people who hear the horrible sound that i make but don’t listen, people who talk about knowledge but are really ignorant to the fact that i’m gasping for hair, i’m reaching desperately for a hand that is not there.
During a long period of time i stay there not breathing but somethings was wrong really wrong, i just wouldn’t […]
Its hard knowing that you’re never good enough and it’s harder to know that every body actually think the same.
Sometimes it would be great knowing that people believe in you. Sometimes it would be great to also not feel worthless, it would be good to not feel like a total shit. Sometimes it would be great knowing that things you do aren’t complete shit. Sometimes it would be great to not wake up everyday of your life thinking about ending it all.
Sometime just sometimes i wish wishes came true, so i could wish knowing that it might come true, […]
I fall, fallen pidgeon
Does it continuum, after the eternal
I keep seeking, nobody half-way
The grey and the long in the beast
I keep searching for a path, at the end
I did it all like they did it all
Abyss, keep
Winged-creature, iron-power
Are you, golden-heart
Weezing, uncontrolled, self-destruct
Golem, take it to the maximum
The Grimer, the Slowpoke, the Paras
Alex, Dragonyte, Lord
The Black Ash
I would pick Bulbasaur, the green buffer
Because my essence is leaf, of the Muk
Nidorino the mighty, Parasect for alchemy
Grow a Caterpie but not the Weedle
One more for whoever, poor Dewgong
To always save the world […]
I’m not really sure how to start this, honestly ten minutes ago I didn’t see myself writing anything at all. You search something on Google and end up on a website, just reading posts. As the title suggests this is just me rambling…reminiscing…ruminating…for a lack of a better word just babbling. Madman Joseph at your service.
Throughout my life I can’t really recall a specific time when I’ve been happy, I’m sure most of us can relate to that. Though more specifically I can’t remember when my happiness wasn’t a result of something someone had done for me. It’s almost as if my happiness depends on […]
During life we all face things that are difficult to cope with. no story is worst then the others. everyone has their own amount of pain they can deal with.
this is a very short version of my story.
I was 7 years old when i heard my fathers door close. My best friend entered my room and started revealing the darkest secrets i could of imagined. My father has been molesting and raping her in his room every day. i didnt know what this meant at the time and i thought that it was normal. she had kept telling me to keep it a secret so […]
“If only there was a way I would not see another day. A year has gone without these thoughts in my mind, but now that peace is all behind. Another sleepless night beneath an indifferent sky convinces me that I should die.”
What a pathetic excuse is this gallows poetry. It’s typical of me. A useless narcissistic ploy to call attention to myself by some second grade rhymes.
The truly exceptional people in this world don’t need to call attention to themselves. It’s only an arrogant fool who needs to compensate for his inferiority by saying, “Look at me! Look at me! See how clever I […]
Her eyes and words are so icy
Oh but she burns
Like rum on the fire
Hot and fast and angry
As she can be
I walk my days on a wire
It looks ugly, but it’s clean
Oh momma, don’t fuss over me
The way she tells me I’m hers and she is mine
Open hand or closed fist would be fine
The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine
Calls of guilty fall on me
All while she stains
The sheets of some other
Thrown at me so powerfully
Just like she throws with the arm of her brother
But I want it, it’s a crime
I’m not sure of what else to write, so I’ll go with my favorite topic: Alex. I’m way more obsessed and in love with him than I should be. I only knew him exactly a week. I was in the hospital, he got there to wait for a bed in another place. It was pure dumb luck that we met.
Basically what happened between us it this: (sorry it’s long) he was introduced, I loved his southern accent, and I liked him a lot. I tried to keep him off my mind to work on treatment, but it just got harder and harder. On his […]
‘to live is the rarest thing in the world, most of us just exist’ – the fabulous oscar wilde
litterally on the edge right now. cant stand anymore. i need a way out. i dont want to just exist anymore…
Last time I wrote on here I thought I was feeling bad. Well, I’m worse now. And what makes it harder to deal with, is that everyone saw me get better and believe that’s still the case. After my parents spoke to my psychiatrist few months back they were so stressed and worried about me being depressed and suicidal. I don’t want to put them through that again. My best friend has enough troubles to deal with, I don’t want her to worry about me as well. It just sucks that I would do so much harm if I spoke about it and I feel […]
Once upon a time, not too long ago. I reconnected with an old friend. With whom I have not spoken to in at least 5-7 years. Come to find out his wife, a woman that I loved and cared for. Had passed. About a year ago. We talked about his grief. Pain. Suffering. His addiction to drugs. We talked about mine. We got really close because of our late night discussions. It was raw. It was real. I let someone in. And then they commit suicide. Did it to me. Before I could do it to you. I don’t blame him for what he did. […]
Coma baby,
With your sick head
The doctors saved you
But you’re still dead
And through your scalp
I would like to reach in
So I could pull out
The monster you’ve been
And you would do anything to
Destroy the body that they rescued
Your sick little head
So brain damaged
And lying in that hospital bed
Coma baby
The cry of your bones
And your skull when it
Split on the road
I wish I’d find all
The lonely remnants
From your head
When it cracked open
And you would do anything to
Destroy the body that they rescued
Your sick little head
So brain damaged
I had a dream the other night that only frightens me because of the underlying message I found in it.
I dreamt that I was outside in the yard, I can’t recall what I was doing but it was a nice, warm, clear, day. I had heard a loud bang and fizzle type of sound. Myself and a few others that were also outside looked up to the sky and saw an enormous missile with three cylinders crash right into the hillside, not more than fifteen miles away. As others began to panic and clamour around, I just stood still, staring in awe. […]
You said they made fun of your body
Humiliation in your eyes when you told me
Well I’m gonna find them
Don’t you worry
I’ll make sure
They’re really fucking sorry
You said you’re embarrassed of your body
You told me you think you’re really ugly
Well my love I know you don’t see
What I see
Anything that is beautiful
People want to break
And you are beautiful
I’m afraid
Anything that is beautiful
People want to break
And you are beautiful
I’m afraid
You said you’re ashamed of your body
You’d rather die than show me
But I would love you in any
Form you take
You said […]
How To change what I feel?
How to grow better and become a strong person?
How to get out of my stressful mind?
Sometimes I wish I could make peace with myself, but sometimes it’s so difficult to stop thinking.
There are so many wrong things, and sometimes it’s like I cannot bare them.
I am afraid to share my deepest feelings, even under an anonymous name.
I am afraid of my own feelings
I don’t know how to control my nostalgic feeling inside my heart.
Sometimes I think that after death, you just go home to some kind of warm light, to some kind of warm […]
For the past 6 years I have suffered from severe depression and social anxiety. There has never been a good time in my life. Before I even developed mental illnesses my Dad was an abusive asshole to my mother and sometimes to me and my siblings. I’ve never had a true friend, I click with no one and relate with no one. I’ve been in therapy for about 3 years now and it seems like nothing is getting better. I left school on the first day of last year because of how bad things were getting; I just couldn’t handle it any longer.
So basically all I’ve been […]
I really am sorry. There’s no reason to complain. I have a supportive family. I’m not starving. I’m just a selfish self-absorbed pathetic shrimp. And yet, I hate falling asleep because I know I’ll wake up to morning light, and another 15 hours of pain and guilt.
I dream of a spontaneous accident. I wouldn’t have to raid the medicine cabinet for a “suicide attempt”, only to detonate my liver.
I don’t even cry anymore. I don’t feel anything, really. I’m just a blob, a shell. A disgusting grey mouse. People suffer in the world, yet my scope of life revolves around my trivial problems.
Please, be honest […]
take me to the blue moon motel
carry me over the threshold
treat me like i am your young bride
together on our wedding night
fuck me in the motel shower
make my makeup run like a porn star
carry me naked to the bed
fawn my hair out when it’s still wet
from the motel window, the signs twinkle and the stars go
i see all the places you’ve taken me and all the places we’ll go together
hold me spoon me and i’ll pretend
in your arms that i am pregnant
with your baby, yeah your baby
your two babies softly sleeping
you’re […]