I am here just to ask one simple thing for the ones who’ve tried it. Can we live (if not happily,somehow keep breathing without killing oneself ) all alone? I mean by isolating oneself from everyone we know. Is it worth living or breathing would just be a waste of time? Going to a far off distance,leaving everyone behind and off to such a place where nobody knows you. Just to earn your bread and somehow live.I am a girl from the eastern part of the world so my problem wouldn’t make sense to most of you. All my life people have compared me with the worst example possible and I always thought I’d better die than to end up like her. Now that I’ve almost ended up like her, I have only one alternative left.
I have this aunt of mine who is a half-psycho, a complete social outcast and pain in the ass for everyone among my family and relatives. She got divorced, has a daughter with the worst upbringing ever and my parents say that she is the reason they have never had a good night sleep. She’s highly highly miserable but doesn’t want anyone’s help.That makes her the biggest social joke. I’m scared that soon the world is going to laugh at me and my parents. I fear that I’m going to be a pain for the rest of my life too. My parents told me and I myself feel that I can never have a “family” because I’m always sad,unsocial, grumpy, angry and miserable and I’ve been like that for years now. I am a massive failure both professionally and personally. I am mourning a fact that my dreams have died.I didn’t/ don’t want pity. However the part of me demanding respect has almost died after all my unsuccessful attempts. I have isolated myself and decided that I’m never going to get married or even have a friend because I don’t want people to know that I’m broken into pieces because as for now I seem normal to them. But I’m not happy having to live that way. I have never been loved my entire life and I still long for that but it never came, will never come. I promise I’m not as bad as people wish to see me.Is it my fault that I’m so miserable? I took all the bitterness of life, never demanded anything and tried as hard as possible but I surrender now. I admit that I’m a failure, a big mistake who shouldn’t have existed in the first place. Since I cannot commit a suicide , I often imagine running away from the everyone to a faraway country maybe migrating to America once my med exams are over. Either way I’m going to spend crying all nights until my tears finish. But, at least I won’t be a pain to anyone if I’m far and I might as well die when I want. I’m seriously considering “living far and isolated thing”. Seriously death seems like reward to me and life like a big punishment. I hope I won’t be punished very long and I want to be punished alone.
5 comments
It can work well, but only if you discover the right mindset to make it work for you rather than against you. Being solitary is different from being isolated. Solitude is a choice and its rewards are simplicity and the ability to define yourself, for yourself, by yourself. Isolation is a response to being defined by other people, in your own mind, and accepting the worst criticisms you can make about yourself.
Life IS a punishment. I’ve been wanting to die since I was around 14. I’m 33 and mad that I haven’t killed myself. Things are worse, they can only get worse. There is NO hope, NO god, NO way things can get better without help.
Yeah I know it only gets worse. It’s been years that I haven’t heard a single good news. I’m sad to hear that you have been in pain for all those years. I hope I won’t make it to 30. I’m just 20 now and
I’m so done.
NowOrNever,
I can understand the fear of becoming something you don’t want to be, but complete isolation doesn’t sound like much of a life to me. And in all honesty, anyone telling you that you can never have a family because you are sad and grumpy is complete nonsense, in my opinion. Plenty of people who fit that description – or worse – have “normal” lives with family, friends, etc.
I would advise not throwing in the towel on life just yet and instead try to focus on what is making you unhappy and take measures to improve on that if you can. Best of luck.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
Thank you for your advice. There’s just one thing I’d want you to know. I have never seen my mother happy my entire life. So, this is who I have become. I don’t want the same fate to be repeated to my daughter someday. An unhappy person can never make anyone happy. My mother still clings to life for the sake of me and my brother. I don’t wish to live a life as such because I’m not as enduring as she is. I shut my twitter and fb account years ago and I am technically a nobody now. When I google my name, it shows no content because I have a unique name. My attempt is to walk out of the world in the same way. I couldn’t find a way to do that.