The note is complete. not really the best but its fine. but even now, when i am this close, i am not sure. its still looking like a hazy dream. David455 once asked here – “Is suicide romantic?” i can now definitely understand this question. but he went through the whole process. even now, when i can do it any day, its looking like a romantic idea.

I am not sure. Have i tried enough? ofcourse i have. there is no try left. being in the middle is a shitty situation. all you can do is rot. i do not suffer enough to do it without […]

The Rope Is Tied . . .

& I Got All Bunch Of Meds

But Something Is Keeping Me From Ending It

I Dont Know What Is

This Life Is Draining Me ,

Sorry Tyree, & Family . . .

If I Choose To Go , It Wasnt Just Your Faults ,

Hello.

I’m not quite sure where to start off, but I feel so useless; as if my existence had no meaning at all.

You see, I started to cut when I was around 15 years old, and the people I loved just kept using me. I felt so ugly, and worthless, and continued cutting. Thing is, I stopped cutting for a while, but I had to do so again, since I had depression again; this time with suicidal thoughts.

I was about to kill myself, when this wonderful guy appears (he has loved me for around 1 year and a half) and suddenly makes everything better. And you […]

This morning I was meditating on sexual abuse because I was abused until I was about 10 or 11 and I’m having a hard time dealing with the grief. And I was asking myself: why are there so many people who stand by and let it happen?

Perfect example: dad abuses kid and mom pretends she does not know, but OF COURSE she knows. She might notice her kid is a little “off”, but thinks they’re still upset about being punished for mouthing off last week. She sees the cuts on her kid (which the kind did him or herself)  but buys the story about the […]

I only have one “friend” locally in town and she is dumber than fuck. She has an unbelievable bedbug infestation – so bad that they are living in her oven. If you know anything about bedbugs, you know that they like to live near their prey (and she doesn’t stay long by the oven) and they don’t live inside metal structures (generally) unless there are so goddamn many of them that they run out of other places to live in the house. This is my friend’s situation. I call her dumb because she refuses to admit she has them and refuses to take any steps […]

Alakazam! Is there a hell.

Yes. Life is conscious. Afterlife – next generation conscious.

An army of death, follows. Life is everything and one, heaven and hell.

The present. The now. I am the child of oblivion.

The sound of doom. Guide me back, I need to burst in the fire.

I am the walker of death, calling. In my face, forever to nevermore.

A fish that wants to bloom into a flower. Walk me to the nexus.

so i posted part of my story on april 23rd. so i am miss reputation. before the bullying, i was a popular girl. i’m not bragging but i was a girl that people liked, and i was friends with a lot of people, they were all so nice. but then i fell in love with a boy, and we kissed, and of course he was a jerk and told everyone something else. that gave every boy the excuse to sexually harass me. girls thought i was a slut, and well that made me the perfect target for the girls who bullied me. wow, i don’t […]

1. silly- kids used it to bunk school,gf/bf ditched, no money, not beautiful body, lost/no  job, not enough money, not enough talent,…etc.

2. realism-allowing thoughts that most people will not dare to because they are intense, conflicts with survival.  existential nihilism, Lost passion to do something. All human thing look like a foolish.

Which category are you belong to?

Hi, me again. I don’t know what I am really saposto post on this but I do know that what I have already had people say, and the advice they have given, that this is a good community, like no other I have ever seen on the Internet, or even in real life. Call me morbid but I think to be in a community and act the way that I have seen so far, something must have gotten fucked up in your life, but that dose not make you bad, worthless, or less meaningfully than anyone else in the world now dose it. Now to […]

the music of doom always appears.

my heart outside my mouth and I can’t breathe.

and everything more tries to kill me.

no one hears when someone really dies.

I will forever walk in doom. my fate of infinite curse.

I can’t even feel the music that I listen to. Spirit of death, I am only an echo.

the maximum jewel evolution is inside the black beast.

I want to scream, so loud.

wishing I was alive in the first place.

Naruto wouldn’t have left me behind, I don’t think.

To the world. This light never made it through the tunnel.

Help me, to go die in peace. White Lighter, awaken.

Oracle. Save me or let […]

1. a guy sentenced to spent eternity pushing a rock up a mountain. only to have it roll back down to bottom

2. that guy had no meaning

3. Humans who don’t believe in god, heaven, hell all they have is struggle because in the end they are condemned to lose.

hence

Humans who believe in god are cowards and foolish.

Humans who don’t believe in god are deadly dumb to live because human life is like Sisyphus.

I used to be popular. Grades and everything was perfect. But the girls I considered my friends weren’t friends at all. They bullied me and I let it go on for quite some time. Ripping my journals, calling me names, making fun of the way I dress, spreading rumor, making me cry, and laughing at my failures. That’s when I ended my friendship with them. It just became worse. I started talking to new people, making new friends and they started making and spreading rumors to them about me in an attempt to stop then from talking to me. I became friends with a couple […]

My life hasnt been living…its just been a slow and painful trip down to the grave….no one gives a shit about me…if I were to drop dead no one would care. Would anyone care to know why I want to slit my wrists every night? would it matter if I did???

I’m scared of being myself. Sometimes i have really bad days, & other times I’m extremely sad. My heart is broken, and I’m a huge mess. I’m scared that I will be alone forever.

the earth feels as though it composed of 9 billion humans, and then theres me, i fit in more with the animals, unfit here wild and chased away

The light at the end blew out.

And now I’ve had it, just about.

If anyone is reading this please know,

That it wasn’t your doing that made me go.

Im not a perfect person ,

Awkwardly so much of my advice i wish i could listen too . Ironic rite huh .

I have what most people want .

Friends , Family , Popularity , A Boyfriend Who loves Me ,

But yet no happiness

I was raped last year by a guy i thought who loved me

Meanwhile i went home to my brother who beat me ,

This illusion that i put is so dumb

No one knows the real inside pain i suffer

Or how i really feel inside

I have bipolar disorder ,

The meds make me tired , but i can never sleep

I […]

I am a strong person. I am 27. I tried to gut mysel, samurai-style, ten years ago. I clinged to life and vowed to never, ever give up on life. On the way I found the peace of God.

My girl and wife-to-be left me after 2 years and a half. We couldn’t make each other happy, we couldn’t stop hurting and failing each other. She was perfect in ways many cannot imagine: beautiful (a german model), sweet, bright, spiritual. Good cook. Good friend. Good lover. Loved me to her core, was there always for me. Perfect. I thought God was speaking to me through her, […]

those who are there helping,listening and offering advise,

you are heros. the greatest people alive tonight. bless you, your are brings of great passion  EXTREMELY strong hearts

I’m stupid to think he would ACTUALLY want me….. WHY? Why does this always happen to me? I can’t even fucking CRY! He won’t talk to me, and he is with a new one. I warned her this time, because that f*cking b*tch is not worth her time. Not worth anyone’s time. He deserves to be alone. Sorry, but you don’t do this kinda crap to ANYONE. And I’m so tired of being used like this! I’m good until you get what you want and then you move on until you’re tired of them. Then where are you? Back to me because they won’t give […]