It always comes back. All my life, the depression always comes back. I can pull myself out through sheer will power, and I’ll be fine for a week or two, and I think ‘I can do this, all I have to do is not think’.
Then one day I remember what a shit bag I am. How useless, fat, ugly and completely disposeable I am. How broken I am. Someone esle could do my job so much better. So I think, what if I just step aside? What if I just take myeslf out of the picture, so someone else can step up to the plate?
Some days the temptation is overwhelming.
2 comments
It sucks truly to self loathe, to think so little of yourself. How can you even like yourself when you have all these mistakes you made floating around in your head?! Everyone makes mistakes no one is perfect but how do other people deal with it, that is the real question here. How can there be people out there that do worse things that make decisions that are more terrible and yet they live their lives just fine. I want to be like that, I envy them. I have been fighting away depression and any negative feelings about myself and it is hard my heart goes out to you good luck..
That’s a good point alina_01, especially if these people screw up other people’s lives with their actions and decisions and yet they can live perfectly happy with themselves, if I did that I’d be really depressed, I wouldn’t be able to forget it.