i am close to only a few people.i cant get close to anymore people.they will just end up leaving me and hurting me like the rest.the are just not nice anymore.i blame my ex’s for making me have this fear of getting close to people.i hate the fact that i have the fear.i need to let go of that,but it doesnt look like tht is going to be happening anytime soon. SOMETIMES…..i feel like no one really knows me or my life or what i have been through.they only know my name not my story so stop being so damn mean to me and just […]
So I just experienced the worst part of my day. Waking up. It’s 1pm and i just woke up. I was dreaming. My favorite pass time.
I honestly don’t enjoy anything else in life. Dreaming is an escape from life…from the depression. I can’t seem to find joy in anything else. I stopped taking my depression medication. I honestly didn’t see any difference.
whaterver…
I’m fucking tired. I’m tired of caring for people who don’t give a shit about me. I’m tired of waiting for a text that’s never going to come. I’m tired of thinking things will be different, yet they never change. I’m tired of giving out chances, only to be let down. I’m tired of putting forth 100% of an effort and only getting 25% in return. I’m tired of broken promises. I’m tired of let downs by the people who matter the most to me. I’m tired of making someone a priority, when in reality i’m just a number to them. I’m tired […]
I’m so tired. Just tired of all this crap lately. First off, I was starving myself yesterday and the day before- an attempt to diet because I’m fucking gross. I want all of my fat gone. All of it. I hate myself. I’m a gross, fat, ugly waste of space. I hate myself so damn much. You know what I’m really, really, really craving, though? Sweet release. Last week (I think), my blade was taken away, and I haven’t been able to cut. Cutting was my little escape. All the cuts on my arm are fading away, and I’m getting anxious about that, for some […]
Tonight, I was truly, for the first time in a very, very, long period, free.
Other than the pills working and pumping happy juice into my brain, I had a tremendous emotional catharsis.
I was finally able to move on from old expectations and loves ones.
It doesn’t feel anything special like I was extremely happy or anything, but I felt free.
For the first time since forever, I wasn’t tired, and found my energy slowly coming back.
This is great news for a depressed person like me.
I’ve found that I’ve been getting hurt all the time by my own expectations.
My expectations of myself, expectations […]
Today as been one off the best days I’ve had in months so far I feel there is hope for me I can give so much to this world. my CPN (community psychiatric nurse) don’t know if you have them in the us? but in the uk we do. Well he said that I will be starting counselling next week I’ve been waiting for this for months as they have  a very long waiting list in my area where I live. I still feel down I still fell like ending it. but it is less today then it as been its mead me think my […]
Yesterday I decided to make a tumblr, and I feel like I can express myself there betrer than here on this site. So probably I will be less on this site. I’ll try to give an update once in a while, but forgive me if I don’t.
Well, I am only 14 years old girl, but I already drink this amazing drinks. Beer, vodka, whiskey… Just almost everything. I started when I was 10 years old, when I started noticing my parent’s problems. And when I started to drowning in depression, my mother started to telling me everything about my father. Everything she told me were lies ’cause my father told me everything about mother. My father was right, my mother always screams and she’s always angry when I say something good about my father.
My mother was calm when I was angry at my father, but when I started to protecting my […]
Married 20 yrs, separated 6 wks. Have 3 kids. Â He asked for divorce, incompatible marriage. I’ve been coping w depression, loneliness, pining, I can’t cope anymore. I’m 48 yrs old, I want to take my life cos each day is becoming too difficult to tolerate alone. I’ve no family, no friends in this b looming end if the earth. No self esteem, no interest in anything, walk around like a zombie, don’t think of anything but his face and all that he did for me, his presence that I relied on day n nite. There’s nobody accompanying me anywhere now. Â What can I […]
I’m on 200mg of sertraline. What will happen if I take more? Will I be okay?
Well, for some unknown reason I am just so deeply sad tonight and the tears are flowing. I am leaving early tomorrow morning to make the 5 hour drive from PHX to L.A.  ….. Perhaps I should just keep on driving and make that visit to the GGB………yep…..it’s a bad one tonight….where is the positive energy I’ve been trying to offer on SP…..it sure isn’t with me tonight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4ZjXt0Fl58
I was told it was going to get better. But, it is considered better if it still lasted 5 years. Where ever I go, I visualize different ways to kill myself with the objects around me. I tried to use my “imagination of my death” in my horror stories of torture. Its gets me to wonder if I really want to torture myself to death because of my self hatred or fall asleep to my death. This goes through my head everyday.
…when i saw pain of others, i forgot my own pain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQbXsOA7F2Y
only one in a thousand is perhaps happy
some weep for somebody, some weep for somebody
in every house this lamentation is
my pain is so little in front of them
This is the face of it, this is what is called life
sometimes its irony makes me laugh, sometimes tears come out
confluence of pain and happiness it is
my pain is so little in front of them
embers in everybody’s heart, water in everybody’s eyes
ask whoever you want, everybody carries a painful story
in pain whole existence is
my pain is so little in front of them
how much pain there is in this this world
my […]
This site is so sad yet so important – even having a rant or sharing to a cyber-shoulder can help.. can’t it? I have been increasingly thinking of suicide again.. and when I say thinking of it I mean it really has always been there. As with a lot of people on here who have suffered with mental and emotional baggage a big part of their life… they understand. I fall into a bracket where it has always been there looming.. but I guess it gets to a point in your life (I’m an oldie at 48) where you realise you have put a damn […]
Hello I’m 25yrs young I like that word better I’ve felt this way for awhile now I attempted suicide once already and died for about 5 seconds, long enough to hear the heart monitor flatline and feel life slip away, when I was a kid I had believed in finding something to believe in or hold onto, when I was younger I would look into the mirror and this feeling of sadness ignite in my heart I’d stare through the tears and tell myself it’ll change it’ll go away I used to wake up at night and cry until I fell asleep again sometimes my […]
Don’t leave me
Don’t leave me
I can’t handle myself without you
Without you
These tears won’t fill my emptiness
I have this ache inside my chest.
Although we want to live and die.
Can we save this without goodbye.
Don’t leave me
Don’t leave me
I can’t stand to live without you
Without you
My lies have become my reality,
Is there such thing of you and me?
I can’t forget smiles and tears,
That help me through my biggest fears.
So please don’t leave me
Don’t leave me.
Cause I can’t even stand to try,
If we’re going to say goodbye.
Goodbye
This is goodbye
cause I […]
To whoever is reading this, i wanted to let you know that I won’t be coming back. Don’t bother searching for me because i’ll already be gone…all i ever wanted was to be happy, free, and loved by everyone….I kept telling myself “just give it a day, It’ll get better…” But now 3 years later….It’s even worse….I’ve tried therapy, i’ve tried medications, i’ve tried going to the hospital….But none of these treatments can make me feel “Alive” again…I feel like a Freak….A Mental person who needs to be locked up before i hurt someone….They think i’m going to hurt someone….But in reality….I’m scared that THEY […]
I lay awake at night until the fatigue hits. My doctor has taken me off my sleeping medication. I beg my mom to let me take the pills that are left and she refuses. I think about awful thoughts when I lay awake. I think it will be better in the morning, but I know that’s false hope
You know, it seriously takes alot time and courage for someone who’s really shy and and the loner type to actually post anything. Alot of times I just press cancle on a full page post, so feedback would be nice. Also a comment to other posts that have no replies wouldn’t hurt either.
This is my first post, so let me start off by saying, yes I am quite uh ‘suicidal’ and I have no idea what I’m doing here, or why I’m posting my personal thoughts here. I’ll post a bit about myself later because noone wants to read another 100 paragraphs of another […]