I’m tired of everything. I am 21 and can’t find a job. I failed out of college when my mother was in the hospital and now my dad calls me a wasted investment. My family doesn’t have a car and I can’t get to a job even when I find one. My **** of a sisiter treats me like a piece of dog shit and calls me stupid when I was going to pay a neighbor to take me to work.
Truth is, I have always been depressed since being hit regularly as a child, whether it was with hands, leg casts, or something else my abuser could find. I have no potential in life and the only reason I am alive is because I am too much of a chicken shit to just get my dad’s gun and blow my brains out.
I don’t know if I will follow through, all I do know is that I’m tired of this.
3 comments
I can relate in a lot of ways, and I know you’ve heard it a lot probably…but things do get better. I’m very close to my sister and lived with her at the time she was hospitalized for months. I was in my first year of college and didn’t think that it would have such an impact on my studies. It did, I was put on academic probation that semester.
This is one of those moments that you just have to be selfish and know that you CAN do what you set your mind to. There are always going to be obstacles (like a job), but the good thing about obstacles is that they can be overcome. The good news about school is that you are still young! School will always be there for you when you are ready to go back. You could do what I did, transfer to a different school (I switched community colleges). Most of them only transfer grades as a Pass or Fail and you start on a clean slate.
I know sometimes the past can hurt, but I have found at times that the best thing to do is to grow from it. Don’t let it each you alive, but use it as your motivation to go on. Don’t be held captive by the past, when there is so much potential in the future.
You are not a wasted investment just because you failed out of college. You said your mom was in the hospital during that time. You were just under a lot of stress it’s not right for your dad to call you that. I believe that you are going to find a job. It might take time but you are going to find something good for you and you are going to be happy. You are just going through a hard time right now and those don’t last forever.
That sounds really terrible. I agree with Terra, you have had some hard times. Maybe you can’t stand up while there are still people holding you down. Although it doesn’t sound appealing, there are homeless shelters that will help you to get a job and transportation and they will help you make a plan for getting your own place. Sometimes the road to happiness and freedom is a rocky one, but well worth the effort. Go out there and find your worth. They are shit, not you.