I thought I had life figured out, but I don’t. I’m so tired of people telling me that getting good grades or graduating from college takes away the pain of empty or loneliness; it doesn’t. I’ve graduated twice now and I can’t feel happy and it doesn’t bring me joy. I used to have this awesome imagination and I used to believe that anything was possible, but the devil has taken that away from me. And yes I believe in God, I always have. I know he is powerful and mighty and I know he is working for someone, but the devil has definitely kept […]
what the fuck? chemicals affect behavior? no fucking way, the data is wrong, the scientists are stupid. look, here is the truth: what do BABIES do? fucking nothing. then when they hurt, they start crying screaming hellfire torture. they don’t DO anything, except scream when they hurt. babies KNOW the TRUTH. everything you do is LEARNED, it is sensed through PERCEPTION. a blind baby cannot see, so they CANNOT perceive things through eyes, so functionally sight is a LIE to them. they are TOLD that others can see, they have NO WAY of knowing except for your words to them. everything is LEARNED, everything is […]
Following my 3rd suicide attempt, a couple of years ago now, I was asked to take part in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy through my doctor’s surgery. I’d never heard of it and to be perfectly honest, at that time I was so far down into not caring that I suddenly found myself being an outpatient at Positive Steps.
During the early days, I was sure that it was going to be such a waste of time given that they could only offer me 20 sessions at the maximum and come on, I had had 20+ years of slowing being consumed by the negative impact my disability had […]
I’ve been waiting for years, for just a little bit of peace in my life. I have been trying to find my way, to make different decisions to help better my life. I have cut out a lot of negative people from my life, and despite having done that I’m still not happy not even a little. It feels like I’m in some sort of in between, sometimes I look up and see my life and wonder how I got here. I started crying again because I just don’t understand why I can’t find peace. I can’t stop loving or missing people from my past, […]
Every morning I wake up and it’s the same: I’m still alive. Sometime I wake up and cry, other times I sit up and hold in the pain afraid my mother or brother will notice it. Some days I don’t get up. I skip school and lie in bed looking at the ceiling or sleeping, trying to escape reality. I hear as my mother walks into my room and asks worriedly if I think it’s normal to stay in bed all day and all I can do is nod. I don’t have the strength to get out of bed and face life. All I can […]
is my mothers birthday and the anniversary of my fathers death. I haven’t said happy birthday to my mother in 7 years. It is not a joyous day, so I don’t think there is any point in saying it. It makes me feel horrible but I literally can’t find it in me to say it. And Mother’s Day is not too far behind. Worst daughter of the year.
Here I am again. Missing you, my love. I read the posts here and I think of you. I never thought for a minute that you would take your own life. You were strong, you taught me so much and you didn’t even know it. I always wished you could have seen yourself the way I saw you. I still love you with all my heart baby.
I am invisible. Always. What’s ironic is when I was younger I thought it would be great to be. Now I am. I get forgotten when I’m in the same room. Waiters and waitresses have forgotten me. I regularly get asked when or how I got there. I wonder how many would notice did I simply never showed up again.
What if I don’t want to move on anymore?
What if I feel so done with this world and life?
What if I dread waking up every morning?
What if I feel disappointed that I hadn’t died?
What if I am so hurt in this life that I can’t be fixed?
I can’t live like this anymore.
I’m so close to death.
I haven’t felt loved in months.
I have felt hated.
I’ve been hurt so much.
The young girl that was once inside of me
The young girl that was filled with hope
Filled with love and joy
The little girl that had a beautiful imagination
I cannot understand a world that makes children feel like they need to end their own lives to stop the pain. I cannot understand how parents fail to take the time to give a shit about what their kids are going through, or worse, torment them, abuse them, and belittle them! I cannot understand people who put down others in an attempt to make themselves feel better. I cannot understand a fucking thing!
T if you are still here please check your email and call me. Please let me know you are safe.
I’m new to SP and I have no idea where to start. I’ve done so many stupid things in the past. I read posts and I relate to almost all of them. I feel as if I understand you and I know you. I am always depressed, I have no idea what goes on my life anymore. I can’t find joy in the things I once loved to do. All I do is think about how useless I am, how depressed I am all the time, how my parents tell me crap all the time, I have no friends at all, seriously, and my boyfriend […]
I think today should be today. I’ve got nothing left.
My names Logan. I’m a sophmore in high school and i just dont want to live anymore. I cant take life anymore. A few months ago is when it started when I got my license and my friend wrecked my car. He was my drug dealer, and don’t take me wrong, i’m no “druggie”, i just occasionally smoked marijuana to help with all the stress school gives me. He ran and fled the scene and found out he didn’t have a license. All I hear at school is how big of a fuck up i am for it, and people who just harass me for […]
I’m on the fence! I’ve posted before but received no comments…it’d just be nice to know that there was someone else out there so I didn’t feel so alone through all of this!
I’m really tired of this emotional pain. I feel worthless and useless. Nothing I’ve asked for has ever been complete. I feel alone and abandoned. I’m old, married and have 1 son but can’t shake these feeling of self hatred, I’d rather just die, disappear, cease to exist. I fucking hate it
Why do I bother? Why the FUCK do I even try anymore? After spending a few days in the psych ward, I would have thought that things would be a little better. You are just as goddamn selfish and self-absorbed as you ever were! What if I HAD killed myself, you *****? What would you have done then?
Would you go to your goddamn aerobics class instead of going to my funeral? “That’s how life is, and you just have to get over it. Stop letting every little thing bother you. You’re just like your daddy, I can’t talk to you!”
Maybe because all you ever want […]
I am a voice in this universe
I will make it,
Putting aside everybody, everthing
This is the quest of me
This is my challenge
And I dare to take it
This is my rebirth
Im something in this universe
I am the god of my universe.
You haven’t posted in quite a while, you still hangin’ in there?
I’ve officially just failed my family and God and everything else in between. I don’t deserve a single second I’m awake.
I have a thousand fucks, but don’t give one
Spending my last days watching the setting sun
The lies I tell myself, to continue this charade
The painful memories streaming by in parade
Lights out, hit the racks
Bag up my ashes in a paper sack
Elation creeping up my spine
For on this poison I shall dine
As blissful silence
Replaces self inflicted violence