I am on the track team. At a meet, we are only allowed to run in 4 events. I run in five or as many as my coach will let me.

Most people think about winning while they are running. I think about weight loss.

I can’t walk after I run. My legs won’t work right. I stumble around and try to regain my coordination. I can barely stand but I refuse to let myself sit down due to the fact that if after you run, you sit, your legs tighten up and it makes it difficult to run again. the faster you run, the more weight […]

Don’t get me wrong,  i don’t think a little faith can hurt anyone, but my views on church tbh? kind of pointless.  i do in fact believe their is a God but going to church, I feel like  i’m surrounded by hypocrites. If your going to love, praise and worship god than why not do that on your own time? Just being around  people just makes things worse because as soon as you leave no one is the same person..  i just pray to god that when I finally leave this earth he will take me..

apparently i wasn’t strong enough. wasn’t good enough. wasn’t better than that

There is no suitcase needed where I am going.

http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/West-Coast.mp3

Yup, knocked out another one. Apparently my accent plus cider is indecipherable to some so I’ve posted the poem beneath the audio.

Bonus points go to anyone who can find the 3 Doctor Who hommages.

There Once Lived a Man

There once lived a man,
He was strong, he had grace, he was battle-worn,
He should have done something of monumental significance,
Something to be remembered.
Prevented, though, not out of spite or maleficence, but by love.
The could’ve-been-king with his army of meanwhiles and never-weres,
Would’ve been so much but his will was never his own, it was hers.
She stole from him his drive, his motivation, […]

I thought I would never have suicidal thoughts again as long as I got a decent job. Now by some miracle I have a decent job but I don’t have any friends or anyone to talk to and I’m having the thoughts again, not as strongly but they’re there. I don’t think I could ever really do it, so maybe I’m just whining, but I really thought I’d never feel this bad again.

I used to have a lot of friends online but now I have only a few and they’re all really busy. And I haven’t had a face-to-face friend in years, or even someone […]

Title says it all. Worthless. Im done.

I’m a lost cause in this world like basically everything falls apart for me like my friends on Xbox live have a problem with me for some reason and I didn’t do fuck all. Why does my life even exist like nothing good comes out of it and anything good comes into my life goes away too. My friends lives seem to be going good so good for them but I’m left behind I’m poor, short, skinny, disabled and no girl finds me attractive so fuck me right I just want someone to be with someone I can be happy with and someone who respects […]

I’ve been through this before. I thought I was done feeling like this. When I was in sixth grade, I stayed up late to slit my wrists as soon as I heard my parents’ bedroom door close. I cried myself to sleep each and every night. I had a boyfriend and I knew he loved me. Or as close as love got in sixth grade. He was going through the same thing. Except he had and addiction to drugs. Whenever he cut,  I would Too. I wanted to feel his pain. Maybe I thought it would cut his pain in half. I don’t know.

I continued […]

I’ve been fighting with my lover often lately and today he said that it might be best for us if he pulled the plug. The reason why I’ve been fighting with him is because I’m a complicated stupid *****. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I could change and I’m trying so hard, but it doesn’t work. The idea of killing myself came across my mind a few times and now it’s here more than ever. I need him right now, but he’s not here. I’ve been drinking and hurting myself … I wish I had the strength to stab myself … […]

That long dragging weekend feeling

all i want to do is cut vertically down my wrist and bleed out til i die. i’m nothing, i’m trash. stupid ugly dumb iguana looking *****. i’m nothing more than that i will never become relevant to anybody, and i will never accept myself. i hate existence i don’t understand it.. i don’t want to experience life beyond high school, being dead sounds better. the problem is i don’t have enough courage to kill myself, i’m too much of a coward to take the coward’s way out!! lol i’m such a joke.

Oh hey, look at that, I’m here again.

Great.

I was dating the perfect guy for me. He had faults, but I was crazy attracted to him and regular sex helped me get over my addiction to masturbating. And then he broke it off, over THINKING I had an sti, and not trusting me even though I was crazy loyal to him.

And that’s not it, I’m doing bad at school for the first time in my life. I told my teachers I was suicidal to get out of a test, I’ve never missed a test of my own volition. Ever.

I miss holding him, and cuddling, and doing […]

He’s the asshole. I stick around after all he did to me because I care about people, way more than I should. I get a message that he’s afraid he’d hurt himself, and I freak out and unblock all means of communication so he can talk to me because I kept thinking he was DEAD, and then I hear he’s all ok, just fell asleep and didn’t message back because he decided to play his damn computer games. I say one fucking thing wrong, ONE, and he goes batshit crazy, calls me all sorts of names (that I know are already true) and then says […]

you know how you try to say one thing, but mess up on saying it (or in my case, typing it) and the person who hears it (reads it) gets offended because of what you said? yeah, there now. I already feel bad enough that they took it the wrong way, now he’s calling me an “evil bitchass **** who enjoys his pain”. I don’t even enjoy MY pain. now I feel like shit, just when today wasn’t too bad

I could do the whole life is meaningless and pointless because personally in my eyes it’s true. I just wanted to express the fact as to how everything is so black and white to me now. I see people but not the faces its weird. I used to think life was so beautiful and just perfect but  i don’t know if its because got older or whatever but nothings the same.  I see the world for what it truly is which is such a terrible and horrible place ( in my eyes) but, iv’e recently made plans for suicide and if all goes as planned […]

Okay so i’ve dealt with depression for most of my life.. but more recently it’s gotten worse and i’ve been fairly suicidal for a month. Anyways.. in the past month or so i’ve been told things, advised things, suggested things… and i keep wanting to scream back at them with frustration. So here is my rant, maybe some of you can relate.

1.) Maybe it’s just a seasonal depression, lots of people get sad during winter. -No.. last time i checked i’ve had this for most of my life and the weather should not make someone suicidal

2.) If you’re ever feeling suicidal or thinking about making […]

Thomas S. Szasz said: “Suicide is a fundamental human right. This
does not mean that it is morally desirable. It only means that society
does not have the moral right to interfere.” Do you agree?

im CheshireCatMadness and yeah im not gonna be bothered listening to all that it will get better stuff because it wont. Anyway when i was eleven i tried to take an overdose of sytraline anti depressants but i was a coward and my mum caught on and i was rushed to hospital. im not gonna mess up this time… if i take an overdose on sleeping pills i’ll be asleep and i wont feel death. its important that its quick so i dont have regrets and painless and easy to get hold of. i dont wanna wake up and im hoping i wont feel any […]

what bothers me is that there are so many people in the world. so many people are depressed. so many people cut. so many people have lost someone they love. so many people have attempted suicide. so many people have gone through with it. so what makes me any different?  if I killed myself tonight, why would it matter? I’m one of many so it wouldn’t cause any damage. the world wouldn’t stop so why dont I just do it? how much damage will really be done? not much. the thing is, I’m scared of what will happen if I don’t go through with it. […]