VVVVVVV (that IS the sound a vibrating phone makes)

It was 2:30AM when I awoke to the vibrating sounds of my phone. It was Elly. She was hysterical – crying and beyond the definition of upset. She told me to come to the pedestrian bridge immediately. I didn’t ask any questions but I had a bad notion of what was going on. When I arrived to the waterfront I was greeted by an endless crisscrossing of yellow tape, countless flashing lights, police, firetrucks, and an ambulance. There were even police boats stationed on the river. Elly and other friends of ours were talking to the authorities. […]

Memphis May Fire – Miles Away

well i guess this is it. Don’t waste your time to stop me because by the time you read this i’m gone. I’m scared but i know i will go through with this. I just hope there is something better on the other side.

I’m sorry world, you’ll just have to do without me.

so I am 5 weeks pregnant, and anyone who has followed my posts know what a big deal it is for me to  have a baby, back in 2012 i had a miscarriage at 10 weeks and that tore me appart. I nearly killed myself. Now i have a chance to be a mother again, my boyfriend and I even planned this baby, but he also knows i am at high risk pregnancy loss  and i suffer with cronic anxiety. I also have a tilted uterus too witch is harder for me to carry a child. . as i said before people whom have follow […]

I dug myself a hole of depression. Now I’m stuck, so the only thing left to do is keep on digging and see where it leads. Well I found where it leads, in a girl from somewhere and a guy from somewhere.

Suicide- according to them is the answer; end result or whatever you want to call it. However, I live in fear of the day I’m told I’m going to die. Ironic, considering I want it most in the world some times.

Of coarse everyday I tell myself and numerous others that I’m “fine”. Which I am. I mean there is literally no other word to […]

I really do not understand the point of life if once we leave here we’re suppose to have some deep understanding of why everything is the way it is. If we already knew this before we came here then why the hell were we put here? Perhaps to make connections  that already existed before we came here, or maybe learn life lessons? If so, this also doesn’t make sense because we would have already achieved the state of knowing before being put here. Imagine being able to know everything. This could range from how many strands of hair exist on our heads to something miraculous […]

that is the question

I’ve been thinking for a good part of a long while. I don’t want to live anymore, I’ve made that choice. I’ve only ever felt like this once before, and I overdosed on over the counter pain killers. I woke up covered in my own vomit, and my family found me. I do not want a situation like that again. I want it to be quick, and I want it to be certain. I want to die in my bed. I don’t have many options, and I need to know what to do. Please. Help me.

Lately things have been going good , and yet I still find myself , waiting…

for something bad to happen to remind me that this happiness that has been given to me to  borrow.. To remind me that life has been playing a joke on me and I’m just waiting for the punch line , ..  Why can’t life be easier ?

I suffered so much already I’ve endured what a person could only believe to be nightmares. I’ve only tried to make myself believe that things are okay and they will be different …  I don’t have to live by my past and let it define […]

i want nothing but death

i have not told what i saw

oh dear! i think i am becoming god

ive offended mankind bcuz my work dint reach the quality it shud have –davin-c

why do u weep do u think i was immortal?

one last drink please

i hope i haven’t bored you

i die hard but am not afraid to do so

money can’t buy life

am bored with it all

last words are for foolish who haven’t said enough -marx

I was browsing suicide songs on youtube a few hours ago and I stumbled upon Amanda Todd’s video.  She was stalked by a child predator, was bullied, and ultimately killed herself.  It is so heartbreaking.  It upsets me even more the responses people have posted, such heartless bastards, saying she was a whore and that she deserved it.  She was TWELVE when she was cajoled into flash her boob by an online sex predator.  Yes, she made a mistake.  But she was 12.  The online comments attacking her are so awful.

“Final Tango”

Maybe if I pray to the Devil, it will be there for me. Duality.
I wonder if I dance, does it stand next to me, cold.
My guardian angel.
Touching my shadow.
Faces of the people.
Living a world in a lie.
Upside-down, upside-down. Why.
In futility. Trying to decipher.
Here in my abyssal nonsensical throne.
Chained, that is all I can do, and nothing.
There is no “God,” but if there is, it will save me.
Tonight, what happens. When nothing’s left. In this.
The grey. The light. The dark.

Humanity.
The battle. The war, lost.
The archives, stolen.
Evil overtaken.
How many thousands […]

so i talked to my friends about our current “situation”. its so obvious they hate me right now. maybe its because they think i’m acting stupid or something, i don’t know. this is why i hate people. they never seem to understand whats wrong with me. they always force me to admit to my mistakes even though its their own fault too. what a friend.

i’m thinking about cutting again. its probably the only thing that will make me feel better at the moment. i don’t know maybe i will, maybe i won’t.

I’m going to be straight to the point here. I wish I can kill myself. I wish I was brave enough to do it. I am not doing a good job at living. There is always something wrong with me no matter how I change for the better. I want people to help me but I am tired to ask for help because I’m being overly dramatic. There are times when I am happy and I always count those days. But when I’m not it is always there, the thought of ending life right then. I really wish I can. I know I am selfish […]

I’m twenty-one year old guy from the UK. I have anxiety, I get depressed, and I have suicidal thoughts. I use to self-harm but don’t anymore. I also think I might have a personality and body dysmorphic disorder. I’m on a waiting list to see a psychologist, so hopefully that happens soon. I don’t usually talk depressingly with others, but I am more than willing to lend an ear if you wish to chat about things that are bothering you. It would be nice to also talk about things we like.I like outdoor activities, but I don’t get out much, partly due to anxiety and […]

I didn’t end up smoking last night.

I was strangely proud of myself.

Hasn’t been too bad of a week I suppose.

I’m trying to keep my stress levels low.

How are you guys doing?

My husband died 18 months ago. I am raising my granddaughters age 16 and 20. I will put my house up for sale next spring and move into a small condo I own that will be in same school district for 16 year old. When she has finished high school and gone off to college my plan is to finish cleaning everything out and then kill myself. I plan to give everything away and have liquidated all financial assets except condo. Will have trust redone and everything spelled out for all financial gifts upon my death. Life is too […]

I could hear my heart beating.

I could hear everyone’s heart.

I could hear the human noise we sat there making,

 not one of us moving,

not even when the room went dark.