I’m going to be straight to the point here. I wish I can kill myself. I wish I was brave enough to do it. I am not doing a good job at living. There is always something wrong with me no matter how I change for the better. I want people to help me but I am tired to ask for help because I’m being overly dramatic. There are times when I am happy and I always count those days. But when I’m not it is always there, the thought of ending life right then. I really wish I can. I know I am selfish but people are selfish for wanting me to stay when I don’t. I want to stay away from everything. I am too sensitive and people have worse things to deal with. I can’t tell this to anyone because I know they will hate me because my life is perfect. My grades are good and my family loves me but why am I like this? I am posting here hoping that there are people like me. I’m sorry for being vague.
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I actually can relate a lot to you problem. I mean, some days you just feel like your heart is gonna burst from so much happiness, but in like seem seconds, you just feel the despair all over your being, and you just wished you wouldn’t wake up. I have been battling depression for over 10 years, but nothing seems to change, even though I have given the best I can… I sometimes wonder, why can’t I just die??? Right here, right now… I want it all to end… The struggle, the bad memories, the feeling of bein a disgusting human being… Worst of all is, not being able to share those feelings, even with the people who supposedly “cares about you”… My mother and my sister found out I cut myself, and they made a big dramatic scene of how Could I do that, that why wouldn’t I open Myself and share my feelings, that they were there to help me…
So the next time I tell them, I feel sad, AND WHY DO I FEEL SAD, they just tell me those are stupidities and I should get over it… Ironic, isn’t it???