I feel badly that I didn’t count the rejects at the project at work correctly the previous day

I feel badly that I am taking my vacation in a week instead of cancelling it like others have for work

I feel badly that I’m not able to help the new contract workers get jobs as much as I would like

I feel badly that they want these jobs so much and I just want to leave

I feel badly that I’m impotent regarding intimacy

I feel badly that my intent for more personal activity towards a more positive life hasn’t really started yet

I feel badly that my cat killed a […]

life saving bands:
Never Shout Never
Pierce the Veil
Sleeping with Sirens
Suicide Silence
Of Mice & Men
My Chemical Romance
Enter Shikari
Bring Me The Horizon
Black Veil Brides
All Time Low
Falling in Reverse
Fall Out Boy
My Genuine Find
Catching Your Clouds
Motionless In White
The Devil Wears Prada
Blessthefall
We Came As Romans
Attack Attack!
A Day To Remember
Asking Alexandria

nobody really knows what I feel like inside. I am in therapy and medication but I still don’t feel good. I cut just to release what I am feeling inside. some people have seen the scars but they will never understand. I lost many people in my life and the only thing keeping me going is bands. I have bad social anxiety and I can’t stand others seeing my ugly face. some people at school tease me but that is only to impress their friends. I truly hate myself. every feature about me. my nose, my hands. my back, my elbows, my chin, my cheeks, […]

Today i talked with my mom. I found out that as you get older you learn to mask your emotions so no one is allowed to see you cry. But honestly? Some times i wish that someone could see throgh my mask and see that i am constantly crying and my throught burns from it all. My friends say that thet know me best but i hang out with then seperatly so they only see me as that person i am when i hang out with them. Funny how my “best friend” says she knows me best, then she  talks about me behind my back […]

(Please excuse the unnecessary length and dramatics)

To feel like a changeling, one that grew so accustomed to the life of being human, that it slowly denied ever not being one. That it IS the real child. That its memories are its own, and not stolen from a body and self implanted. To feel like an actor that’s been playing a part for years, but has slowly forgotten the character, the set, even the play. Unable to even understand the reality of the situation, he continues on, trying to form a cohesive plot with the scraps he can remember. To feel like a robot, programmed with […]

Watch the sky
For a reason why
I’m safe here

One error, silent terror
And we’re the dead next door
In animal land
And dark is in command
One thing you should know

Don’t hear that knocking
Don’t eat out of their hand
“Don’t stumble die,”
You say
“Don’t stumble, cry.”
They see you and me
You and me

Including this one. 😉

Here’s to everyone I met on SP, for the comfort that you gave me in my last few months. My thanks to each of you, and goodbye my friends.

Best wishes,
Matt

P.S. I really enjoyed exchanging favorite quotes about suicide with y’all. Especially if it was someone’s last post (I hoped a quote would soothe them) so; here’s a quote for myself..

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“I didn’t realize there was a ranking,” I said. Sadie frowned. “What do you mean?” “A […]

Nothing has happened to me, I only want the most complete blackness, that is the most beautiful. Whatever I crawl out of, I can’t see anything with my eyes, only the tar under my fingernails. I feel a seeping guillotine; but nothing in this moment cuts me, or has cut me, while the bizarre gruesome swallows humans whole or in pieces.

The only reason I cant hats myself is because I have to remind my self of something…I have to stay strong.EVERYONE NEEDS TO STAY STRONG.Yeah I know I might not be “Beautiful,Gorgeous or Stunning” or whatever.I don’t want to be that.I want to be my own kind of “beautiful” and that beautiful is not as society describes it.I want to be beautiful by not judging,not wanting to be like others.To be unique…to be an example. An example to be strong enough to never give in to something other then good stuff.And you know why? Because there is always a reason to be strong.Even if you […]

I haven’t been on this website for a while but I just came back to say that I’m not giving up. It’s not my time yet. I’ve been lost in life for far too long now. I’m a 16 year old guy who spends lots of time alone. I’ve lived most of my life alone. And I’m ready to live the rest of my lonely life. I’ve had lots of time to think. I’ve realized that this is who I am, I will always be lonely. I realize this was meant to be. Loneliness has made me a strong person. I don’t like being alone […]

if you’re too kind to the world- and you expect something in return,

never do so

because this world is a big, huge, place with no justice of whatsoever

and in the end, you’ll definitely be exhausted and alone with the world

and tonight,

I  should be dead from this place.

So my story is a very long one. I’ll get right to it. I’m a gay teenage guy. I’m in the closet and only a select few know who I truly am. I’ve had one boy who I had relations with, both physically (we went all the way) and well for me, emotionally (I loved him and would have done anything for him. I’d take him back now if he asked). I opened my heart to this boy and gave him my virginity (apologies if this makes people uncomfortable). He crushed me. I got depressed after him and started self harming and I made an […]

I spend all fucking week trying to pray someone is ok and hasn’t attempted, and when the weekends are the only chance to know. Then, after making everything seem fine she always gets all suicidal at the weekends. So basically I have torment all week.

And nobody seems to care about me. They do at first but after that? No. They stop talking and don’t seem to care to ask how I am after that, regardless of how much goes on in their lives. Ugh I’m getting sick of this shit.

I want to die

i feel so lost. like i should just pick up a blade and start cutting again. the other night i cutt the top of my leg it was bleeding a lot. i havent been myself these past weeks. i pushed someone away. i acted really mean to them. and love them a lot

Here goes nothing..

Wish me luck?

I can’t sleep at night, but that’s all right
The M.D. tells me my heart’s on strike

Emanating originating from a love asphixiation
Said I better slow down before you drive me in the ground
But what he doesn’t know is I want another encore
Now what I say: hyperbolicsyllabicsesquedalymistic

Let me stop procrastinating
Standing here and narrating
Find my emancipator, she’s a love educator
Cerebrum, cerebellum and medulla oblongata
A slave’s on a horse everytime she explores
Just heard a discussion about uh,
A racial relationship..

Sometimes I behaved differently it doesn’t mean that I loved you less, just you don’t need me as much as before.

Maybe I needed you more!

The biggest abomination  of earth is life. I can never forgive my parents for how utterly selfish and disgusting they are for forcing me into this reality. They are the cause of all the suffering and constant, constant mental anguish I’ve felt  EVERY day for YEARS AND YEARS. They perpetuated a horrific need that didn’t need to be but I’m the one who has to have it, without consent and is the most disgusting, unfathomable crime that could be committed. I hate that I love them and I hate that I have family  and a precious little dog who  would be destroyed if I ended my life. […]

I can’t do this anymore I only have one option! I thought me and my daughter were close she hates me! I have conversion disorder that means when I’m stressed I have gran mal seizures! I got this disorder from a very sick man named Dell Mosher! He raped me for so long when I was a kid because of this I have no worth at all! I refuse to put my family through this anymore. The only way is to get out of this world! My so called fiancé calls me a disgusting cripple! I’ve made my piece with it because that’s exactly […]