we are a army

not of fit fighting men and women

but a ragtag band of brothers and sisters

the scar calist is are armor

the razors we ones cut with are now reforged in to swords

are shields are ower experience with life and pane

and let me tell you that the meantel image is one of beauty and fear

now is are time

now is the sing

we will all sing the same rime

a rime that will remind us that thay were wrong

well are strong see us a wall of strength vs that vous in you head that bully from shool the girl that hornts your dreams

to Meany of us have all ready fallen […]

I don’t like my life at all and I’ve accepted the fact that I will always be alone, but I have these dreams sometimes that I have a good life and that I have friends and people who care about me. I hate having those dreams because those dreams give me a glimpse of hope. I don’t think I am supposed to be happy I think that whatever force of nature or God out there wants me to experience pain. When I wake up from my dreams I just wanna cry and just end it all. I feel that if I just didn’t exist anymore […]

They listen, yet they dont hear. They think, yet they dont know. They hear my cry, yet they dont see my tears. So when I die, will they know I never lived?

My skin was red

In the dark of night.

Cut up, it bled.

No sign of fright.

The pain I was feeling

Felt so real.

To wake in the morning

No sign of heal.

News that break

My heart in two.

I really can’t take

What I have to do.

Someone really close,

Slept and never woke.

The one I love the most,

Formed tears and made me choke.

As the day goes by,

I laugh and sometimes cry.

Oh please! Don’t pick and pry,

For I,

Woke to death.

This is in memory of Grandma who passed away in her sleep last night. God help me to not go crazy or suffer. I just know I’m going to break down at some point.

My sister shall no longer suffer the agony because of me. She attacks me with knives, yet I do the same. My strength and anger towards the man digs deep into her soul. My spasmodic behavior takes hold to end her suffering, but I do it with hate towards her NOT him! The tears of love shed like rivers of pain down my red cheeks. The man that made us do this was like a brigand, taking our love for each other and crushing it to from hate. Our love is perennial, yet our hate shines through, as if we are stars. We have never […]

The cold, dark waters will suffice for my damage,

icy liquid covers my face

slowly climbing down my throat with claws that burn.

Pain no longer runs through my body; only the numbing.

I look beyond the surface and there, shining in my face, is light.

Gracefully I rise. Up from the cruel below to a warm, heavenly place.

The beauty overcomes my blue lips and wet hair, letting the natural color show in my lips and the curls to crinkle.

No longer shall the cold dark waters suffice for my damages, but the glorious haven drown me with love.

i wish i could see the light…people say were not broken, just bent…but nights like these i feel like im shattered into a million pieces..how does a person overcome abuse…when all people choose to do is turn a blind eye?…what is left fighting for, when there is nobody willing to fight for you??…i keep taking another shot, to help me dissociate more from the feelings inside, but when i sober up, im just this messed up girl all over again..sick cycle…pretending is so xausting, im not sure how much longer i can take this…

this life and all of her perfection issues. the hair and plastic smile, are all things i can never conform to,
though that is the function of things, you fake happy, you are happy, you show your core, you’re shunned
this world can never hope to understand true pain, any sign of the stuff, and everyting turns upside down.
these manniquins walking down the street, i can not blend in with them. and they know. though they move not
they judge, and they seek out punishment for all those who stand out, until they are driven to do the unthinkable.
that is the function of […]

im new on here… i need assurance that there is someone out there that actually cares…coz nothing make sense now…and im tired

I feel okay, every now and again, I try my hardest to be happy, and it works, every now and again-but for some reason after so long I just end up back here. Unable to move, breathe, or talk without somehow feeling pained by the burden. I can’t think of anything else except for how easy it would be to just finally end it.

I wish it wasn’t this way, there are plenty of things I would have liked to have done, and to have seen. But I’m not cut out for those things apparently, seventeen years it took me to finally realize that anything and everything […]

drop and give me 20

pull up and give me 30

sit up and give me 40

THIS IS NOT TRANING THIS IS PUNISHMENT

“shut up you in my head your not my sargent”

yes i am im all youv got left

“true that”

your nothing

“well if i wasnt i woudent be talking to you”

true that

“didunt i just say that”

yer but it was witey

“”will you both shut up””

thers too of you up ther

“yer she thinks you shod live and i think you shod diy so your stuk with us”

“”no more like you askt me over and shut the door and lost the key””

why are you a girl

“”dont know its your minde””

true that

“ha now your […]

You continue to hurt me, and take away everything I love. My heart is longing for a way out, but I’m afraid. Afraid of what will happen tomorrow. If I actually do it, who will I hurt? Who will be glad? Who will even care? I wonder if it’s even worth it anymore… But no, I can’t. I must live to see tomorrow.

after a few weeks of leaving, i got my life back on track. i got help, met amazing friends, and discovered a wonderful thing that changed my life. then hurricane sandy. my friend was left in a cramme dapartment. that was fixed though when she moved in with her cousin, my friends boyfriend, and a good friend to me. we were fine. then she got mad. she locked us out of our shared cosplay account, and our personel accounts. she told lies to another one of my friends, who i always spoke of them to her. a week or so later we resolved and were […]

I stare at you, and I cannot ever stop,
To see it’s just a picture, makes my heart drop,
I see all of your beauty, and that’s why I look,
As I know you love me, and my heart, you took,
It’s a reminder of you, one I’m glad to see,
It’s for when you aren’t there, like now, for me,
I want you back, to know you are well,
But I can’t know, and I can’t ever tell…

When I see you, I feel tears behind my eyes,
You make me feel, when the inside dies,
I look upon your smile, and I smile too,

i was prepared…

to give my life for you

to give my body for you

to live my life til the end of my serves life FOR YOU

but you true me out in the cold

i fee like iv no sole

redey to fight

redey to diy

you tort me the reson why

1 man shod live and MEN shod diy

the path to war and clvel rights but i see now its genside

but i didunt mind i was imformd i was redey to fight for the contry i love to push down the treat jump from a plane with a rifel in to hostile land for i know its right but thers all ways […]

If anyone feels like talking I am listening.

Send me a comment.

I seen too much and I can have your reality.

I have been treated like shit by false people and this makes me really wanting to find real ones.

I have notices that people usually want something from each other. I don’t. Not interested in either sex, money or relationships. Not interested in hurting anyone.

If there is a honest person here my door is always open.

But I have zero tolerance for mean people. Stupidity is okay.

Good day.

My life is completely fucked up right now and the church of scientology is after me.
I have seen things there that makes war in afghanistan look cosy.
Despite this I am content with the way that I live, considering
what i gone trough.

I have zero money,
No metaphysical powers,
I am fucked by the government.

No family or friends.
No work or education.

And there are many who want to see me dead.
I don’t want to them that favor.
Then again… I understand you guys who do want out of this planet.
This government has destroyed so much for us.
We need to look […]

dunno if i want to live or die… i am not sure… but there is one thing i am pretty sure of , i am scared.

nothing  i want ever happens and it seems like a preset design, that if i want something i lose it… whether it be love or happiness …

my family is torn apart…. i don’t know if i can salvage anything… my job is depressing…. my salary is never enough… nobody likes me… even when i mean good, people misunderstand me… i  think i am stupid and just a burden… but this person i love loves me so much and that too […]

years gone by,
way too fast.
Blur before my eyes,
I need to rest.
I cannot stand,
I cannot breathe.
I need a hand,
someone to help me.
Days pass fast,
too fast to blink.
I can’t take this,
can’t hold on,
it feels like ice,
set out in the sun.
my life

to fast for me.

I need to rest.
preferably.
eternally.
forever.
if you know what I mean.
That, is the type of
deep sleep,
I need…
***************************************************
>>—–

mothers day today i cant even get out of bed because of the brusis and the rend and tore mulsel from the stupid amont of push ups i did to punish my self for not stiking up for my self (thats what the paras do to ya befor thay say thay cant exspt you cos of the ibs and asbergis) the driy blood on the bed and the emptey bottels tells me what i need to know the stupid 16 yer old me got drunk last night and cut himself after being bulled im rele patetic at lest its mothers day and i can do somthing good no cant even do […]