I hate this emotion. I hate it because it’s what’s keeping me alive.

I wanna die, I really do…but I’m afraid of death.

Hopefully, one day, the pain will outweigh the fear so I can finally die.

I finally told my mom about my cutting problems. She said I was seeking attention and drama. She said that this wasn’t the right way to get her attention. Well I don’t need her attention. I raised my self. I cooked and cleaned, and went to parent teacher conferences BY MYSELF. I never saw her, or my dad at concerts or plays. So why do I need her now? Why should I even bother to look for my parents in the audience. Or check for my parents car when I get home. It’s not like they are there. It’s my friend’s moms that give me […]

Written about four years ago.

Springtime

Within my great, hollow chest,
My heart beats,
Like a muffled clapper,
In a rusty iron bell,
Playing its part,
In the symphony of green around me.

Honestly I don’t know where to start… Recently I’ve realized I’m depressed.  I just feel so empty inside.  Like I’m moving through the motions day by day.  My family doesn’t or can’t understand what I’m going through.  They’re all wrapped up in their own problems, and I’m not willing to become a nuisance to them.  It feels like years since I’ve been thinking about dying.  Just jumping off my roof one day, or drowning myself.  But until recently it didn’t dawn on me that I wanted to commit suicide.  I have lots of people in my life that love me, and would hate it if […]

do u remember me as i remember u?
do u remember the way my eyes could never leave yours?
do u remember when i was ur everything an when u said i was ur reason to be better?
do u remember the late nights i spent talking to u, about everything under the stars ?
do u remember the way our minds always thought as one?

i will always remember, when i was important and needed and i will wait for u to fall so i can pick u up again , i want u to know that i will be here, even as my heart […]

I don’t know exactly where I should start. This story isn’t happy, it isn’t interesting, it’s just mine. I’m 15 years old right now and barely hanging on. Every day I get closer and closer to ending it all, every day I feel like I’m about to collapse from sadness. I don’t see much reason to go on any longer.

I don’t know exactly how long I’ve been depressed, but it’s always been part of my life. Depression has lurked in my mind since I was young. I would be 6/7 and complain about the fact I want to kill myself and my mother would call […]

I fight with anxiety and depression all the time…i have no real friends which is really hard..my boyfriend is usually gone sometimes for weeks at a time and i just sit around depressed..my BF owns the place i work and people are mean and resent me because of it..others try to pretend to be my friend but i see right thru them..Whenever we have problems he runs and tells all my co-workers which makes me so uncomfortable.he’s the kinda guy that does so to make we look crazy while he appears perfect..nobody listens to me cause he’s the boss..i lose..just so over living for real!! […]

“My body’s failing, 
I think I’ve hit the floor,
I cannot feel anything anymore.
My body’s failing,
I think I’ve hit the floor,
I can’t remember anything anymore.

And I’m gonna miss your face for a long long time.
And I can’t escape this place, it’s in my mind.”

I should probably listen to them.

Your pain is no more

AT THE TIME I FELT:

1. I’m an incompetent and pathetic loser who has ruined his life and will never change because of his own laziness

2. I don’t give a fuck about other people or what they may think or feel , not even those who love and care for me. All I care about is satisfying my own sense of personal justice.

3. All I can think about is how much I hate myself and my existence. The ultimate self-punishment is suicide. These thoughts are driving me nuts and will continue unless I decisively end it NOW.

MY TIMELY EPIPHANIES:

1. I CHOOSE to judge myself the way i […]

People come and go in life

but it still hurts when you walked away tonight

i never meant the words that i said

i should never have left so much unsaid

the words never left, the lips depart

and all i do is go back to start

you cannot pass go when time is to slow

the heart string attached to what is sold

i meant ever positive thing that i said

and negative is whats stuck in your head

takes months to build, and seconds to destroy

i am empty like a rag doll, a forgotten toy

chewed me up and sanded me down

this is where i put words left safe, unsound

i didn’t mean it, i […]

My great grandma died 2 years ago and i think its hitting me the most right now more than it did when she actually died i hate to say it but tbh i really didnt care when she died and now i look back and remember the good and bad days we had together i kno my mum really misses her we talk about her alot i write her email adress every day it always sends back and says it was an error so i dont really kno if its a waist of time or if she is an angel and gets to read it […]

i once read that the easist way to die is to drowned or whatever i just cant believe that i could be gone that fast but what is it like??? the afterlife is it what i imagine it? flowers, freedom, no one gives a shit what you are?? or if your emo or whatever or is it a big ball of fire? who knows i guess ill find out soon..

its like its eating me from the inside out im a cutter im emo i have tryed commiting suicide ive been to a phyco ward im bisexual but most of all Im Sad….. im bullied………………… alot i cant stand people because they are half of the reason im sad cause they make mean comments or do mean things they say really hurtful things and think that there comment wont hurt anyone but little do they know is the people around them might get offended  but what do they care anyway………..

it’s been 30 years of feeling lost.
i just feel so tired.
i think that i just don’t belong in this world.
i feel ashamed for feeling this way.
i think of plans.
so people will assume it was an accident.
so scared.
but yet so sure.

It seems almost childish to be posting something here – from my perspective anyway. I’ve always associated some sort of guilt with sharing.  I’ve never been great at articulating my feelings well, and I’ve never found much comfort in expressing them, regardless. I’m not exactly sure what I’m even searching for by registering here. Closure? Comfort in confiding in countless, faceless others? Furthermore, I’m not even certain that, after posting this, I’ll even bother to return and read the comments – again, I’m uncertain as to my feelings regarding this. Fear, perhaps? Or maybe it seems unnecessary, as my only goal was, ultimately, expressing this […]

Hi. guys i joined the other day not sure if u read but my partner. of 9yrs ane dad to our 6yr old commited suicide 8 mnths ago i hear all ur stories of pain and not wanting to go on n it pains me to hear and leaves me with not only worry for you but the. ppl around. you even if you think no one cares they do and loosing a person to suicide is pain. that u can not understand. until. felt u do not no what will happen. in the next second let alone week. You have nothing. to loosre in […]

I am so so so suicidal. I don’t know what to do anymore, honestly. I know there are others out there who have gone through worse then me, or feel similar things. but it’s like, the people who should care the most about me don’t. No one does. Even my best friend. When I try venting to them, I swear I just come off as whiny. and I have random people always saying, ‘Im here for you!’ and I apprecate that, but it’s not the same.

maybe I don’t want to be saved? I feel as if I was born for self destruction. Yoou know? It’s […]