Its just like when everything starts to work its self out something else goes wrong. Like everything  thing I do ends up being a mistake. I end up regretting everything.  I sit down at school and watch every ones smiling faces. I watch them having fun. Then try think back to the last time I felt like they did. I can’t remember. It feels as if iv’e always felt this way.  I went home and took out all my photo albums and looked at the photographs of me when I was younger there wasn’t a single picture of me with a sad expression. I looked at them crying I […]
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I’m tired and I
I want to go to bed
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don’t try to wake me in the morning
‘Cause I will be gone
Don’t feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don’t want to wake up
On my own anymore
Sing to me
Sing to me
I don’t want to wake up
On my own anymore
Don’t feel bad […]
. . .
A leaf, a plastic bag, a dandelion seed.
I get stuck a lot of ways, emotionally, financially, mentally. It would be so much easier if I could change and move away from these duldrums I always find myself in. Float away from all this sadness.
A leaf, a plastic bag, a dandelion seed.
All these need is a gust of wind to take them away.
A simple breeze to release them from their stale and stagnant moments.
A simple breeze,
I need a tornado or a hurricane.
I read all of your stories here, and I feel sad, angry at the world, frustrated and at times soothed. I think of my own story and feel nothing.
I don’t have a story, just the pain that comes with it. I grew up in a normal family, had normal friends, got normal grades and, for the most part, was normal. But as far back as I can remember I’ve wanted to die. The thought consumes me.
My first close call happened when I was 15 and in the school play. I screwed up horribly, and after the show I went to an old bridge and sat […]
stupid broken life.
almost every night, awful dreams about hiding, being emotionally stripped by what they do to me.
i don’t need to worry about money. i don’t need to worry about what career i should take. i don’t need to worry about how i look. pretty good huh?
every day i wake up and for a second i forget who i am. then the pain comes. it hurts inside, everywhere. all the time. it tints my vision. i am numb usually. i don’t feel real. nothing feels real. it’s my mind’s way of protecting me. so every minute, one minute at a time, i am alive.
always anxious. […]
I’m a monster. I destroy everything I touch. I’m a freak.
These are the thoughts that have plagued my mind for the past two years. It all started when I lost my best friend in 9th grade. After she joined band, we got into different social groups. I always had issues with making new friends, so I became her “stalker”. She began to distance herself from me, and I began to threaten to cut myself to get her to talk to me. At first the threats weren’t serious, but threats always turn into promises. When the cuts eventually lost its effectiveness, I began making suicidal threats. […]
I’m not even ridiculously sad anymore, I’m just exhausted with my life. Since I was a kid, there’s been no one even ninety percent genuine with me. My family are judgmental and selfish, and broke up when I was ten. I was constantly underachieving to my father’s standards and was disowned twice in my childhood before this final time, and my mother was more concerned with my (only by a couple years) younger brother. She’d told me she loved him more. I was always a very introverted kid. I loved reading and writing, and didn’t particularly like going out. I didn’t make friends very easily […]
Did I get your attention? (: Good, I just wanted to say if anyone feels really down or like they just can’t do it anymore to email me at kenzie.fallenangel33@gmail.com I’m always here to listen and give advice(If you want it) and I can relate to a lot of things, I don’t judge, because judging is badd. So you can just email me and tell me how you are doing(:
My GP has just prescribed Zopiclone for insomnia also Beta Blockers for panic attacks.Along with Mirtazapine, citalapram Carbamazapine and Tramadol, which I have been taking for years. Should I just stop taking the whole fucking lot….I feel like a wretched Zombie most of the time. My short term memory is shot to hell. I am so tired all the time I could weep. My appetite is zero. Life is pretty much fucking unbearable. Does anyone else cope without all this medication? Is it better? I am very confused.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pr-Rj59XSlA&feature=youtube_gdata_player
I’ve started writing my long and confusing rambling dark thoughts down in a pretty little notebook instead of typing them and posting them here, for the time being. It seems that physically using a pen and paper is a better way to let some of the sadness out and clear my mind than typing is… it’s more ‘real’ in some ways, I suppose.
Anyway, I’ve decided to give myself 2 years until I make any big decisions. In the next 2 years I’m going to try and make my life worth living and worth seeing a future to. I want to somehow reach the stage […]
Whilst doing my daily moping on the internet, i found the registration for an intensive performing arts camp at my local college. The whole day I had been overly depressed as always, but as soon as I saw this it brightened. I immediately started to get the things for my audition ready, and  practicing. I think that if I keep my mind set on my career and other things it might keep the depression from controlling my life. I know, I know. “How can you go from being so suicidal one night, to now being so full of hope”. I did a lot of thinking about things, […]
…but I think western society has some pretty f’king high expectations for everyone. Where’s the love? It doesn’t seem real to me. Hence, most of us are stuck here.. struggling. It just ain’t right… I dunno if I’m saying that right.. but yeah.. where the f*** is the love?
For the past six months I’ve been strugling with severe problems in my life. The main reason was breakup with my girlfriend after 3 years. Since the breakup I havent slept more than 5 hours a day, I don’t even go out anymore (in fear I might see her) and overall I’ve isolated myself from the outside world and things got so far I’ve been inches away from commiting suicide, however there came a point where things started to go more positive; me and ex talked about the breakup and deicided that it’s best for both of us if we just stay friends, I’ve got […]
There’s no way to even really describe this. My god, all I wanted was to convey the terrifying EXPLOSIVE power of what happens within me, but I’ve no idea how.
I get angry. Or rather, perhaps I’m always angry, it just get buried nice and deep until I’m numb numb numb numb numb numb
And then everything starts combusting within me. And all I want is to SCREAAAAAAAAM. But I never do. I never do. It’s always just an internal internal scream of despair or anger or sadness or loneliness or DISGUST. Oh yes, a word I know well. Absolute, vile, putrid, festering, poisonous DISGUST. At people, […]
Emptiness,
I welcome you home with open arms and back into the ravines of my heart.
The one composed from archives of incisions and hallucinated lullabies
I am left dreaming of infinite sleep, humming softly words from a dead mockingbird.
wow, 10 huge 2 inch deep cuts hurt like fucking hell, the bleeding wont stop hmmm idk how i feel calm and alarmed at the same time??? ugh! why did i give in again to the cutting i was doing so good trying to quit now i gave in and now im in blood and tears but still remaining calm
I’m not even afraid of dying. I think I’ve proven that much. No, I’m afraid of failing again. I can’t look everyone in the eyes while laying in a hospital bed again. Call me heartless, but idc what happens after I die. It’s the failing I can’t do again. It seems so easy to die. Every day theres stories on the news about someone who died quick and unexpectedly. Yet when I try, its slow and ineffective. It’s not fair. I’m no stranger to death. But he refuses to take me. I wish he’d take me. But all he does is sabatoge me. No firing […]
I have sooooooo many of them i think to much and i want everything to end ive attempted suicide and failed twice i dont understand how i failed i want help but i cant ask or do it because i know i wont cooperate in the way they want i have sooo many questions and i dont know what to do with them. Can someone help my shut my brain up?
Im sorry Im new to this im not aure if this is right
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I do have a sense of relief right now, since I found this page. And I know it seems stupid that something as simple as stumbling across a website can give me any relief from the way I feel right now, but I’ll take what I can get. I feel like things couldn’t possibly be any worse, but I know thats not true at all, because they have been worse before. I suppose it is a bit comforting to be able to get this off my chest without having the repercussions that telling an actual person can […]