lately all i can do is laugh, its all so fucking funny,
its funny how i am such a pathetic person that has pity on himself while nothing bad enough has happened to me, its also funny how everything hurts, its funny that i am writing this and i am only now realising how terrible i am feeling, its funny how i can’t stop hating myself for a second. its funny how i never have any rest, its funny how i keep telling myself i don’t care , its funny how i love pain, how i love being treated like shit by my father, i love it when i have trouble, i love it when everything sucks , and the most funny thing is how i think its interesting! i just thought to myself that i thought it was interesting , all this shit in my head, and that i am so messed up, no wait their is a more funny thing, its that i’m probably just in puberty and i am just weak and overreacting, another funny thing is that i don’t feel anything for, for example my little sister, who i havent seen for a half year, i couldn’t care less, but i can feel bad and want to kill myself because i have to go to work tommorow. i remember when my mother died and i was looking forward to monday when i could tell the news to everybody, that she died, and i also remember crying a whole evening because i didn’t finish a certain assignment at work. its so funny because i love it, because i know that the only thing i really want in life is being hurt by other people so i can feel sorry for myself and blame others or my own failed life
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life is funny isn’t? is funny that you’re feeling bad because you don’t react like a “normal person” to things that happen to you, you don’t have to feel bad about this don’t let it hit you like that, we’re all different and what a “normal person” is for me it’s not defined as long as you don’t hurt someone it’s ok, if you don’t feel bad because you don’t see your sister is ok, but as long as you let this thought affect you you would never be happy with your life and yourself, don’t try to be like the rest of society be your own kind of human being, be yourself and feel happy about it, sometimes I feel the same as you I feel ashamed of thinking of suicide when nothing really bad has happened to me and knowing that there are people who has struggled with really bad things and carried on makes me feel the worse like I’m some kind of weak person, but then I think of life as some kind of gift a gift to be whatever we want to be and committing suicide is a stupid way of waste this gift, give yourself time to think about this and find the way to get rid of the shame and the feeling of weakness, bad feelings are kind of addictive since nothing else makes us feel anything, that’s funny isn’t?
Sounds like you are young. Im not going to tell you a bunch of crap and fill your ear full of things you may have heard already. I felt the same way when I was young. And time has done nothing for me but cause more misery. I wont tell you why you should hang on because I have heard that speech a few times. Just know for sure that what you do is forever and no going back. There is some reserve left in the way you posted.