i am getting so emotional. stressing out over not getting things done when i want them done. i want to cry all the time for no reason…. i keep trying to remember my meds but when i stress i forget. which makes things worse. i don’t know what to do.

All I ever wanted was to be excepted, I made friends with some of the cooler kids, got a girlfriend, got a car, but it’s all gone now. People change, my girlfriend cheated on me, and I wrecked my car (douche bag shouldn’t have turned out in front of me…). I decided to follow in my fathers footsteps and become a welder to make him proud, maybe he’d except me, but he never did… He thinks that I’m just some dumb kid who breaks the law, just like every adult thinks. I used to hangout with my girl, or my boys on a Friday night, […]

If there’s one thing in this world that I long for the most, it would be a hug.

Not the “oh nice to see you again” hug, nor the “if I hug you will you stop ____” hug. The hugs I crave are those of genuine care; strong arms, tight grip, hearts beating in sync, the ones that means you actually mean something to them.

I never had that type of hug before. I usually get the limp arms, light “don’t break the porcelain” touch, unsure, fake hugs. They’re usually brief, once in a while they’ll last for minute, but the moment is uneventful and the connection is […]

out of all fucking people, why did i have to fall inlove with my best friend?! we used to have a “thing” she used to like me. but she said she doesnt wanna lose our friendship because im her best friend. everyone i know can just tell im in love with her. and i hate admitting. i told her once when i went out of the city for a week and i told her i said that cos i missed her so much. i always look her in the eyes and say im not in love with her, but in realaty i think she is […]

Suicide thoughts creeping in again and again.
They wont escape from my dark mind. I fucking hate this eating disoder.
I hate it, it’s taking over my life and I keep denying it. I know it’s true.
Wake up and the first thought is:should I eat? No you fucking pig you shouldn’t
I isolate from everyone and everything. I
I wouldn’t have to live with this stuff if I just died. Shit, If i had drugs I’d shoot them up…

I felt numb yesterday. Now, I feel shitty, tired, and more useless than ever. I’m going to join the army, get shot or blown up and then that’s it. How will I get through high school though… 

Sadness creeps into me, cold chills and sweat cover my body. I feel lonely, Jasmine. I love her so much, I don’t want to live without her. People said I have the symptoms of OCD. Possibly, but still, these feelings are as real as a blade cutting into me. (I ain’t a cutter) 

 I wish she would tell me she wants to take back breaking up with me. She said […]

i dont know how i can go through days anymore the friends i suposily know are all smart goodlookin talented at somethin they always have a girl chattin em up and shit sendin them calls texts while  i have barly any girls who would even look at me in the hallway iv left my phone on for few days to see the loser who i really am not one single female texted me or “friend” calld me. i used to be great at sports was startin linebacker got respect from fellow men around me and varsity wrestling and used to be outgoin wouldnt care then  […]

Reached the last straw today. Gonna do some self-immolation on the ex-wife’s lawn in the next few days. I’m going to get so fucked on coke and heroin that I won’t feel it. Just don’t give a shit anymore. So what if it “proves them right.” I’m sick of being homeless and I don’t want to go to jail. I can’t pay her anymore. The bank is dried up. Just going to take my life-long indentured servitude forced upon me by this great country and shove it up the establishment’s ass. They got nothing else to […]

I hate him.

He never comes down stairs so why is he sitting here? I want to be alone and he knows that. Why the fuck is he sitting here. I hate having to acknowledge him.

I’m shaking with rage. I can’t hold it any longer. Why can’t he just fuck off and leave me alone!?

GO AWAY YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT.

I consider myself fairly reasonable, but lately I’ve been contemplating suicide more and more. I am a twenty-three year old man living at his mom’s house. My mom suffers serious emotional problems after my dad died in 2001. She is a good parent, and I am well taken care of at home. Our family even has a fair amount of money. Things could be worse; however, her emotional problems have become aggravated since I graduated college and returned home in December. Even though my full-time job keeps me out of the house for a majority of the day, my mere presence triggers obsessive behavior in […]

So yesterday my mom decided to pinch at my zits because I am ugly as hell. I naturally dislike this since it hurts a ton. Well needless to say she got all pissed off, and that got me upset also. So she makes me apologize for being angry and I do so but not actually caring. So she yells at me some more and tells me to fuck off. I go up to my room and start reading some Zelda manga. That helps me forget about whatever bad things happen, so I like video games. So my mom comes upstairs and interrupts my ritual, and […]

ok so im not completely alone my sister and friend is here but that means nothing but not being hit my dad is home too, but came home looked me in the eye and said i have destroyed him he now wants nothing to do with me. haha he wonders why i wanna move out..get a clue damnit! my mom is shoppin i sit here in bed bleeding all over my white sheets and blanket i took a very sharp pocket knife and slit my arm deep. the pain is intense but to me looks beautiful and relieves some of my pain. i wanna die […]

Once I had a fabulous career and I was on top of the world but that all ended 5 years ago and I still can’t move on. I’ve been on different meds and they work for a while but the dark moods always return. I’m too young to retire and too old to find a decent job. I work for selfish evil people who have no respect for me. I sold my soul for a paycheck. I just want to feel good about myself but I can’t make it work. I work to make enough money to send my […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dh3Z1_08Ess

Please understand
This isn’t just goodbye
This is I can’t stand you
This is where the road crashed into the ocean
It rises all around me
And now we’re barely breathing
A thousand faces we’ll choose to ignore

Curse my enemies forever
Let’s slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation leaves me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy

I listen to you cry
A cry for less attention
But both my hands are tied
And I’m pushed into the deep end
I listen to you talk but talk is cheap
And my mouth is filled with […]

i dont want anyone to kill themselves. not me nether

like i said in a previous post “i dont belong”

wondering what life would be on the other side. lay down all my burdens. i picked up a knife and i cut my wrist so deeply i ended up in the hospital for 3 days. im now not even aloud to handle a butterknife without supervision so to speak. im not suicidal for god’s sake. im tired. if people would let me. i would leave. if people knew how i feel. they would know what i mean.

its like jogging for miles and stop and you have no […]

Two days into summer and its already starting
This horrible depressing feeling of nothing.

A head throbs, The mind races
With the steady thum of a thousand incoherent thoughts
And I can do nothing but watch.

watch as it drags me deeper and deeper
And I’ll fall into my own mental stupor

Numbness to block out the pain
Of myself and my thoughts
And I can do nothing but watch.

Days will mean torture and nights will be endless
And still no one will see this

I’m falling apart.
It’s no cry, I’ll be free of my thoughts!
Yet I know they’re only digging deeper into my mind
And I […]