Im so damn tired , too much suffering too much pain, just reading the posts here makes me wanna die even more, i feel like its never going to end… oh my god what am i going to do, im truly scared
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rember i said sometimes;
ive been in lots of them.. some times there meanigful, some times there just for sex, and sometimes there just because you need someone to sit there and complement you all the fucking time… witch is okay, because some times its okay.
right now i am in a relashonship with nick, this is one of those meaningful ones.. before this one i had a boynamed john and all he wanted was sex and i am not secure with my body enough to do that sooo…. there for i dont think i will ver have sex . but some one should always have someone […]
So I finally thought I had a reason to keep living. I thought I was going to be finally happy again in my life that I hadn’t felt in years. I thought it was good again. I finally fixed things with the girl and the love of my life. But like always I fuck everything up in my life and make things bad again. So now being back down again I find out I have to have a heart ultrasound done cuz I might have a thick heart or something like that. And if I have anything wrong with my heart I can’t do the […]
I want to leave this world but I am afraid of what might be next, it could be worse. I mean I am a believer but I don’t understand a lot about it, like why is the punishment so severe? I mean no matter what you’re guilty of, an eternal punishment on any level doesn’t seem right, I mean time here is so finite, and any thing you did wrong should in enough time be cleared but eternal damnation?, and for many all they did was get depressed and off themselves, I mean shouldn’t there be some sort of limit to the punishment? Suppose I […]
I Am Sorry
For all I’ve antagonize take pleasure as i agonize over my slow painful death and I say. I am sorry!
for those I have wronged my pain is prolonged I just want them to know. I am sorry!
for every second you waste on my stupid mistakes i am sorry
for every penny you spent on a life that I went, and wasted I am sorry
now that I’m gone I hope you move on and please… don’t remember me just know I am sorry
“cut my arm as many times as you would cut yours”
words from my sister, i told her that i would never hurt her the way i hurt myself.
I held her as tight as i could as she cried in my wounded arms. She cleaned the blood and bandaged me up and said never to do it again, and continued crying. Every time i think to cut i remember that, but it still doesn’t stop me. I am so messed up, i don’t hate it anymore. I can tolerate it, i can live with it now. Is that weird? Many think so, even my shrink thinks […]
I take pills in order to calm down. Try change that.
I take another type of pill so i do not commit suicide. Try change that.
I cut to make myself feel better. Try change that.
I write down how i am gonna die everyday. Try change that.
The thing is you can’t, and i don’t think you ever will. That is what scares me the most.
honestly I am just so lonely. i am so tired of being sad and not being able to help it, and i am tired of feeling ignored and unloved. I have a friend that i trust and always help when they are in need but whenever i need help with my problems they are never there. And i dont know if i am being selfish or if i am even sad enough to be suicidal, and i wonder if i am convincing myself i am because i want attention. i just want to know if people actually care or if they are just saying that.
please […]
The thing that i hate about therapy is that every time you walk in the first thing they ask you is “how do you feel today?” and honestly when my therapist asks me that question i can never find the answer to it. I do not know how i feel, i am left speechless from such a simple question. Every time they tell me there is something wrong with me, i feel like i am an outcast, being left out from many things because of my depression, taking two different kinds of pills just so i can be normal? What is that? Taking pills to […]
i am just ready to give up, time to cut and relieve my stress for finally.
Sick of all this stupid shit. Same thing everyday, done with it.
hello,
I am from new zealand. I am a 35 yr old man who hears distressing voices 24/7 and for the last 7 yrs. There really is little hope for me as i have tried all of the world’s medications without success. I have also tried acupuncture, psychological therapy and hypnotherapy without any luck. When you reach the end of the road with respect to possible fixes you just feel like crap and wonder what the point of it all is.
For me its quite ridiculous that i could still be alive 20 years from now. It means a whole lot of suffering occured from between now […]
I’ve been doing so well lately. so well. and i have literally no clue why but now i can’t stop crying and i realize how truly alone i am. i cant talk to my parents and my friends arent really friends at all considering they never invite me with them and dont care about me in the slightest. IM COMPLETELY ALONE AND UNWANTED AND UNLOVED AND I DONT HAVE ANYONE TO TALK TO AND NOBODY CARES.
nobody. cares. at all.
he fucking killed me. how does it feel to know that you fucking had enough influence to make somebody else to want to disappear?! i am beyond hurt. i am so heartbroken i can’t keep going. nobody deserves this life.
why am i writing this? why am i writing here. it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t change anything. just venting. for what.
Everyday that I am alive, is just another day that i want to die. I see people living life and taking happiness for granted.
This is not the life i wanted to live, I wanted to be happy. I sound like i am a 12 year old girl with one problem, but in reality i am 16 yrs old and i have more than one problem. It feels like i have a million problems , no one is here to help I get taken for granted , one day when i am gone they are gonna mourn and grieve and lie about the things they […]
been a domestic servant today. clean this clean that. but i have a way to make chores a little bit more interesting. mother nature is big help. crank the tunes and ignore the whole outside world for a while. in psycho speak that means isolating. maybe, maybe not. i was focused on my task and was thankful i was alone. cleaning the bathroom is not always a pleasant job. but it was ok because i was flying and up the tunes some more. while i know being alone so much isn’t much good for me but i am short on alternatives. none need not to […]
u all have become my friends here. i just want to say thank you. i am trying to get help, but i fear i may do something drastic before then. know that i gave life my all friends. i hope my girlfriend and son understand one day. im trying to get help, but i fear its too late.
I was sitting on my porch when my phone rang. It was my friend Mel calling. I could already hear in her voice she wasn’t okay. She said to me. ” am sorry I haven’t been in touch, it’s just that my depression has gotten worst and I had taken in. I got super skinny and been going to doctor allot and they are still running some test. It is just that I have been so ALONE…. And I have tried killing myself a couple of times. “. I felt Horrible. Little did she know I was cutting myself just the week before. And […]
i hate myself for every single little thing i do. i get into an argument with my mom, i hate myself after for the attitude i gave. i eat, i hate myself after for eating. i stay quite, i hate myself for not speaking. i speak and i hate myself for not staying quite. it seems that no mater what i do, i am never satisfied with myself in anything i do. i feel like i will never be satisfied. i will always hate myself.
The saga is dead. All the men for themselves.
This is what’s left when faith is dead.
Walking in white, quietly in the dark.
The spades encloses the heart.
Stooped, under goddamn degradation.
Commander of the faith, the saga is dead.
The party from death to life. I’m still down, pick up a few other.
Though, I really am vowed. Steppingstone to be simply.
Listening to trip-hop, what’s up?
i realized that i am dead. i might not be dead too other people… but inside i know that i am. i wish someone knew i needed help becuase im way to scared to tell anyone that im this close to just ending it. any advise…