I’ve been going through the motions for a few years, now. Living on autopilot, mostly. I occasionally do something nice for myself; traveling to China and Europe and getting a new car and cool new toys. Sometimes that makes me forget. Sometimes it makes me question my decision. It always fades, though, and the reality always returns to embrace me and remind me why. I always smile and accept, too; death is a light at the end of my tunnel. I look forward to it, but it is something I cannot allow myself to have just yet; I am still needed. There is someone very […]
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Autopilot
I feel like I’m preparing to kill myself without even trying. My depression is getting worse and worse. I don’t take any meds except 5-htp, this natural supplement and who the fuck knows if it even works. I definitely feel hopeless. I’m alone. All my friends moved away and have lives and I’m just their facebook friend now. So, I deleted my facebook. I was active on blogtv and had friends there, so I deleted that. All I’ve kept is twitter and skype to talk to my online girlfriend but she’s getting fed up with my negativity and falling asleep while skyping. She’s 3 hours […]