Hello , I have made a decision tonight. So many nights I have kept letting my depression get to me. I am feeling a bit better tonight , Which is rare. But I am going to be depressed tonight again , soon. It usually gets to its worst at this time. I have been taking in much more caffeine than usual. It seems to be the only thing that works anymore. But it’s been less and less. And I know that I’m going to be depressed again tonight. I can feel it. I already am. It will get much more intense , […]
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Caffeine
Hi, this is my first time posting. I am up late at night because I am having trouble sleeping. The night before last I attempted to hang myself but it failed. It was more of a test run then a full blown attempt. Not finding success, in the morning, I bought charcoal and a grill to try that method. I assembled the grill, placed it in my car and that is as far as I got. In the end, I am not ready to kill myself, but all the pain and regrets of my past feel like they are killing me slowly and painfully.
I am […]
I have become a caffeine addict for the reason that it is easier to tell myself that the unrest and disquiet I feel comes from a chemical stimulus rather than that my own body is unable to chemically stabilize itself. Â It, so far, is keeping me alive. Â Maybe if I can lie to myself, tell myself that this urge to cut, to die, is due to me drinking too much coffee, then I can stay here a little longer?
Things become complicated when talking about the source of my depression…Â Apart from the Bipolar and the usual day to day naturaly occurring depression, there is almost certainly a third…
Appologies for the length of the post, I hope someone is bored enough to read the whole thing ;)Â I just wanted to post it in case I had to explain things again at some point…
I have a fairly rare connective tissue disorder called Marfan’s Syndrome. About one in every 5000 people are affected. The condition is extremely hard to diagnose and I was only diagnosed by the age of 28. As a baby, I refused […]