Been experiencing a fair amount of angst wrt this recently. It’s been seven years since I started, two since I “stopped”, and to be honest I still slip up now and then. I’ve been experiencing the urges. I’m back at my parents’ house for the summer, and though I’ve been mostly recovered for two years there’s still a dearth of sharp objects in the house. I used to compulsively hoard spare blades whenever I felt the urge to cut (in lieu of actually doing it). I literally bought in bulk, stashed paper cutters in every nook and cranny I could think of because they kept […]
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Career Prospects
I can feel it again. It’s a constant dread that looms over me no matter what I do. I feel like the walls are closing in around me, cutting me off and leaving me alone. It is a blankness that destroys all the colour in life. All that is good is meaningless in a world this bleak.
I always fear that it’ll come back, and now I can really feel it. I HATE this feeling. I despise it. It sets in and I lose touch with everything: in the past I’ve abandoned friends, lost partners, failed a degree. I can’t concentrate on anything, even recreational things […]