I’m suicidal for three years straight. I’m a victim off bullying, I cut, I have no friends, I love the wrong person and I have no perspectives in life. I tried to kill myself by overdosing and cutting veins but it didn’t work.
I want to combine jumping, drowning and poison in my last seconds of life. I want to do all of this at night. Here the European Yew grows wild in the parks. My aim is to collect several hundreds of seeds and about 200 grams of fresh leaves, mash it and ingest it. It will make me die of cardiac arrest. […]
Tag:
Cold Water
I’ve been fitghing against suicide since I was 11 years old, 5 failed attempts with a difficult internal war against hurting my family in my mind. Each time, under the water or out in the freezing snowy fields, I eventually find myself in a state of bliss, which eventually goes off, the numbness and stangnacy that I see as my only possible future just dances its way back into my life and I start all over again.
And once again I’m here on this edge looking for a way to do this without harming those I love. It’s not a matter of weather or not […]
I’m not in a good mood today. It was a P.E day. We had to dance with boy partners and most of all of them i had was wanting to switch partners, meaning, i’m an unenthusiastic, worthless creep. I was depressed all day over one little thing. i’m so ridiculous. I wanted to cut myself all day, it was so painful to be me. These things, negative comments, just triggered me to want to kill myself. Anyway, i have a plan to. I don’t mean to give people ideas, but i just wanna know if it’ll work. One idea was to take an overdose of […]
down by the river, completely soaked. I woke up to the cold water on my back. looking up  from the bank of the river i saw two ropes on a tree and one cut by my feet. I ran my ass back to my house, covered about a mile in  6 minutes. I go in my room and i see my laptop with nothing but SP open, I have no idea what happened…I did take 500x salvia which was kinda a dumb ass mistake but im so clueless right now.
I write a lot of poetry that comes from within when I can no longer express myself clearly. It can be what I’m doing at the moment or what’s pulsing inside. It must get out. I used to draw by hand and every blue moon I will draw one thing. But my art is not what it used to be. I am not what I used to be.
My drawing as a kid at in school got me in trouble. I did it during class when what I was learning didn’t interest me. Teachers would take my notebook, or scold me. One kept my notebook […]
That’s what I’ve learnt in life. I don’t deserve to be loved, I must be the worst person ever, thus all I deserve is pain and misery. I’m tired and today was hell, so bare with me if I don’t make much sense. Ever since I remember I’ve wanted to be loved and accepted.. and ever since i remember, I’ve been denied. My mother has always hated me. She’d never say a nice thing about me, she was convinced I’d only exist to ruin her life, cause her misery and she still accuses me of having tried to kill her when i was 5… nobody […]
I wonder if someone were to jump off a bridge or a building or something if they would regret it while they’re falling. You know like when you’re jumping off a diving board and halfway down you realize it wasn’t such a good idea after all because you’re about to land in the cold water. I wonder if once they jump to kill themselves they suddenly wish they hadn’t and wish they could reverse it. Maybe they don’t even think about it. idk.
Where am i?
Groggy and disorientated! Scared, no…Terrified! Lost! Alone! Â Iv’e disappeared into a bottomless pit of desperate pessimism.
I find myself lying on the floor, naked. The room is a mess. The abstract paintings on the wall are askew and there’s glass sprinkled like dangerous confetti all over the carpet. My head is throbbing to unknown injuries and my thoughts are incoherent. I’m having difficulty remembering where i should be and how i got to be here. Is that electricity sparking between the lights? What’s going on?
Where did Vicky go? I needed her and she was here. I spoke to her and the others, Warren? Jackie? […]