It’s senior year for me, this is supposed to be the best year in school right? So far all that has happened is bad more than ever. Not even the school wants to help. I have been bullied this year more than ever. Rumors flying around and it got so bad that I had to go to counseling. I hate this place, I wonder if there is a God sometimes because if there is one then why does he allow this to happen to me. One girl vandalized my car, one spread horrible lies about me and the other stalked me. I feel like I’m […]
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Counseling
Well, it’s 2:08 at night and I’m still awake. I’ve been in bed for 3 hours. I hate it when I’m so tired but I cannot sleep. I can never turn my mind off. I’ve never been able too. It drives me nuts. With my mind racing from thought to thought to thought………….it’s frustrating. Although, I’ve always been a “night owl”. But, not so much anymore. It’s really not like it was when I was little. When I was little I could sleep for 6 hours and not be tired at all. And, I was a “night owl” because I never really was tired. But now, […]
I’m not sure how to really do this but here I go:
My senior year of high school was the worst year ever. I was struggling in my classes, it wasn’t looking like I was going to graduate, my parents were constantly disappointed in me, tellling me to grow up, and I had few actual friends. My stress level day after day just kept rising and rising, until it hit the point where I had to cause pain to myself to lower it. I started cutting myself. For a while the cutting really helped. Then a friend saw the cuts and freaked out. She went around […]
In my mid 40s old, have lead a charmed life at times, always looking for the thing that would make me happy. Bottomline nothing can make anyone happy it comes from within. So how do you do that when the weight of the world and the consequences of poor choices and actions culminate into one gigantic crushing smoothering ball and chain. Reality becomes blurred and all you want to do is check out. My children and the fear of death and HELL up to this point keep me from doing the worst however as they are several states away and thier Mother is awaiting me […]
I went to counseling like I do every 2 weeks. And we talked, and she said that they can change that I want to kill myself. The fact the I want to kill my self is logical. I have logic. I have a long speech about you die anyways and life doesn’t matter. I told her this, her reply: We can change the way you think about that (Or something to that extent). WTF? So I talk to ma mom about it and she’s like “They mean the way you perceive life” and I’m like, the way I perceive life is the way I think!!!!!! […]
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