I don’t know who I am any more. I don’t know where the little girl who always had an ice-cream cone in her hand went. I don’t know how somebody could possibly feel so isolated and empty inside. I don’t know how somebody can possibly hurt this bad. I don’t how I can smile and laugh all day and be hollow inside and then come home and cry my soul out. Nothing makes sense. I’m dying. I’m relapsing. I’m fading. Have you ever just sat at home with a cup of tea and sad music and slowly forgot how to feel? This is madness, this is […]
Do you have someone you know personally, or a role model/possible celebrity figure whose suicide or death you admire? Sometimes, I think of the deaths of others to help build up courage in the fact they could go through with it. You could either be inspired by the method itself or the components of their life surrounding the death.
For example: I often think of Gary Stewart who was a 70’s country singer from where I live. He had some good hits in his day, reaching the top of […]
I got out of bed earlier, made and poured myself a hot cup of tea.
As I stirred my tea gently and slowly, my mind began to percieve it as a pattern..sort of a beat.
Swoosh..swoosh..swoosh..swoosh..
Words began to play like a song in my head..in a really soft high-pitched voice
Sharp knives and blood
Like sugar and tea
Sweetly come together to comfort me
End the suffering now
turn out the lights
Death is not so bad
Take your life
Take your life
Take your life
Take your worthless life
This was replayed twice until I was jolted out of the lullaby by the sound my phone […]
I haunt this website sometimes. There have been plenty of times I’ve had something to say, to everyone or to one person or sometimes to no-one at all. This is the first time I’ve done anything about it.
If I had to choose, I think it would be heroin. An overdose of it. The circumstances are impossible for me to achieve, but if I had a choice, that would be it.
This time, I learned how to tie a noose. It was very quick. Simple. Elegant, when it was finished. I waited until the house was empty. No-one said goodbye as they left, just as they rarely […]
well, it’s cause I have nowhere else to go; nothing else I want to do besides wallow in misery.
Or misanthropy. Misanthropy in me is more real than I ever thought. I could have sworn that I started having delusions and psychological disorders of my own accord, because I was bored and needed something to think about. I really do dislike people though. Not because I think they’re evil or destroying the world or anything, they’re just not my cup of tea.
People live through their mouths, always talking, always consuming; don’t they get tired? I’ve been tired going on 4 years now.
Or 3 years. […]
“Let love but gently touch the strings,
   ‘Twill all be sweet again!” Â
“Kindness glides about my house.
Dame Kindness, she is so nice!
The blue and red jewels of her rings smoke
In the windows, the mirrors
Are filling with smiles.
What is so real as the cry of a child?
A rabbit’s cry may be wilder
But it has no soul.
Sugar can cure everything, so Kindness says.
Sugar is a necessary fluid,
Its crystals a little poultice.
O […]