Tired of disintegrating under the weight of my own fear of disintegration. Tired of watching everything I suffered so hard to build, crumble away, to slide back into the trauma I desperately want to distance myself from. Tired of the fear of disintegration, only to have it happen in actuality, and have all of my worst fears come true, for the x-teenth time: To relieve my worst experiences, those that caused me to be like this, over and over and over, in the context of current work relationships as I try to make my money and pay my rent, barely scraping by, wondering what I’m […]
Tag:
damage
There is this belief that when you attempt or successfully exit, you leave behind a league of people sad, distraught, angry, hurt and so on.
I think that’s a load of horse-shit.
First, let’s examine the facts: tomorrow will arrive, so will the day after, and the day after that. Whether I’m here or not, this planet – and all it’s faults – will keep turning.
It means that ordinary, happy and successful life for everyone else will continue. Sure, there may be a few tears shed for a day or two. But everyone – everyone – will move on, as they do. I know I personally will not be missed […]
Last Friday I attempted suicide by overdosing. I had been feeling depressed on and off for about five years and constantly for five months. That day I was so fed up with my life and I didn’t want the one I got or to be who I was any more. When I got home I sat in my bed room alone and took 35 celexa, 30 iron pills and 5 trazodone pills. I tried to fall asleep, in the hopes that I’d never wake up. Three hours after, I felt extremely internal coldness and I couldn’t warm myself no matter how hard I tried and […]
Ok..so you to a mall shopping for the party which you have to attend. You have searched almost every shop but didn’t find anything you like. You are dissappointed. Just when you are about to leave you see an extremely amazing dress on display. It’s the prettiest thing you have seen.It’s the right size, the right colour, it goes with your shoes perfectly. And it is in your reach. It’s just perfect. Everything you where looking for. You are in awe. You are happy, excited, amazed. You are in love with this dress! You decide to buy it. You go to counter and tell […]
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