I know I barely post here anymore, but I still come back every now and then to read your stories. I recently read Shephard’s goodbye. He was a great friend to me a while back and I lost contact with him for a while. I need to know if any of you have had contact with him since his final post. I sent him an email, but haven’t had any response. And I know I may not hear from him for different reasons… But I just need some closure. It’s killing me. Please, if anyone has heard from him, or knows if he’s still with […]
Tag:
different
That’s what ones close to me say. If they don’t say it i know that they think so. Everyone has a different definition of the word. Crazy is a word you use when you don’t understand something….In my opinion. I already know that they can’t or will never understand. No one understands. No one around here anyways. People are too quick to judge. I want them to spend a day in my shoes… see how long it would take for them to crack. I’ve held on this meaningless shit since i was 16. But hey, they say it’s just life, and it is.
but i just want to die. I’m tired. i have been suicidal before. but this is different. because i know the outcomes. things get better. but they never really change. and i don’t want to live an entire life cast under this shadow. if that makes me weak, out of touch, mentally ill, so be it. all i ever wanted was some form of justice -some type of recognition. i never got anything. the man that ruined my life sits on the beach and i’m sick of it, so bye. sorry i couldn’t be the strong one.
So I’m only 12, nearly 13. I feel like dying each day. No one knows I want to die. I darnt say anything incase of being called an attention seeker. Some of my friends know I self harm:( they are always there for me. I’m really self conscious, like I don’t like people looking at me. It’s because I’m pretty fat and ugly. I hate the way I am. I try to change but I can’t. Most people seem to hate me because I’m different, I have bright coloured hair, I’m quiet, I’m not out goibg im clever, I’m different. IM FULL BLOWN WEIRD. Everyone’s […]
there’s a different kind of tired
not the kind when you haven’t slept
or you’ve run two miles
or you haven’t eaten in hours
it’s the kind you can feel
behind your eyes
your neck
your shoulders
your chest
your knees
everywhere
when you’ve just had enough of being knocked down by it all
and the only cure is sleep
but not even that cures
because you know when you wake
you’ll be tired all over again
so you just drift through everything
tired.
So here I am again head filled with the how and when and other preparations for my death. Being someone who likes to do things right I was astonished to live through my first suicide attempt a few years back. I have chosen a different method this time. My plans are nearly finalised. I just can’t get past my 3 kids. I managed to say my goodbyes last time. This time I just cant imagine what will happen to them. I know they will be split up and go to their respective fathers but it is after that. How can I make them understand but […]
Uh so I’m John, 12 turning 13 on November 19. A little more than a year ago I started getting loads and loads of messages on instagram on my face, my body, and everything about me. I’m 92 pounds and not proud of it, pansexual, and gender queer. My family is Catholic and they don’t approve of me. Everyone keeps saying “Oh your siblings will never approve of you they’re your siblings!” But it’s not the same. They call me freak, emo dumbass, little Shit. Just because I love who I love, just because I don’t have call myself male or female. I’m atheist and […]
Welcome to The Game,where where is no quitting, no giving up. Once you start, there’s no turning back.
The number of participants can vary.
In this game, you are required to guess, to predict, the best way to help someone. The thrill lies in trying out different methods, seeing if it can work for that someone or not.
And with it comes frustration and annoyance, because nothing seems to be working and the sense of uselessness comes to you, first creeping up behind your back and then engulfing you.
Must…not…give…up…
Hello everyone, this is my first post, I think even my first post on the internet. I have read alot of your stories and they touched and moved me deeply and brought me to tears. If in some way I could be of help to someone out there just give me a message and I will be there for you. You are not alone in this nightmare.
Now for my story, I am a 32 year old man from the Netherlands, born slighty autistic ( I got traits from Asperger). My life has always been ‘different’ because in my mind I connect the dots different and […]
My name is Zach, I’m 15 years old, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to kill myself, because I lost count. I know that what I’ve been through is nothing compared to what others have been through, but I feel that doesn’t make it any less valid or painful. My parents got separated Christmas of 2010. Before you explode with the injustice of that date, don’t worry, I’m not Christian, so it wasn’t THAT bad. However, it was the first time something actually went wrong for me. A year passed, and I didn’t really get over it. I started thinking about […]
I have student loans. A personal loan. Attorneys fees for a divorce I’m going through. I have NO JOB. No income. I’ve applied to every job available here including fast food jobs and nobody will hire me. I’ve suffered from depression and bipolar disorder. I have no idea what I’m doing anymore. I’m lost. I have no hope. I can’t even see myself making it to next month because I can’t afford to pay anything. I don’t want to die, but I feel like it’s my only option. I’m just so sad and depressed and scared about my finances. I wish I could just go […]
It’s funny, despite it all, I’ve never felt this at ease before.
Whether its true acceptance, or an effect of events just causing an emotional overload and subsequent shutdown, numbing, and carefree state, I don’t know. Either way it doesn’t really matter.
How I survived the other times still confuses me, seems so simple, how could one screw up something like that, multiple times even, so strange.
An old friend once said to me years ago, “you know they say practice makes perfect”, sorta to lighten up the whole feeling of “how pathetic and useless am I to be able to fuck up something that easy”.
Might […]
for something completely different.
I told hell to bring it
I prayed to be different
Is the chain too many more
Don’t leave me in the reaches
Let me hop, let me trip like a frog
Can you appear dark angel in my fog
Or am I, I can not make it left
I want to be a pirate of death
I feel so alone in a group of people. I dont know what I have become. I used to be so happy all the time. I used to be so care-free. I honestly dont know what happened. Over the course of 2 years I became so cold. I never let people in (in my personal life) anymore. I don’t want to say I have bipolar depression, but I know that is not the case. But there is something different about me. Everyday is a battle for me. It is become such a battle for me to even get out of bed in the morning. I […]
On the margins is no happy place and not where I wanted or dreamed of being. It gets lonely and desperate out there on the margins. I wish it were different…but what can I do? Become a hermit?
Ever since I was a child, I was never really happy with who I was. I always looked at other people and wish I could be them. Everyone is smarter, funnier, wealthier, stronger, more attractive, and/or just better off than I am.
When I was about 7, and later at age 11, I was sexually assaulted multiple times by two different people (a cousin and a fellow Boy Scout). I’m still traumatized by those experiences, but I believe I deserved it because I never said anything to stop them.
When I first developed depression, I started self-loathing. At age 13, I was diagnosed with a medical condition […]
Hi All,
I have done well in my education from 1st standard to a Master Degree(M.Tech) in VLSI Design.
Thorough out my entire life, i have not harmed anyone.
I married the girl I promised.
I have worked in
1.I worked in Aspire Communications(Now it is calsoftlabs) – 3yrs 2 months
2.Cavium Networks – 7months
3.Sony India Pvt Ltd – 1yr 6 months(approximately)
4.Hirasugar Institute of Technology, Belgaum (1Yr)
5.Cmedios Bangalore(From Jan23 to Till now)
From the begining of my career I am a hardworking guy(my parents taught me), and tried to execute the projects independently.
I left my favorite montavista group because Sony was my favorite […]
The cops were called today. They want to “help”. I just want to die, continue cutting and not live in this hell hole of a town. One of the three!! I have the perfect place to live in a different city with friends that are more willing to help me out than my own family. Now I don’t think I can go to the place I once called home.
It started in first grade. Girls would laugh and snicker behind my back. Third grade was the first time i had ever been called ugly. I believed it because nobody had ever told me anything different. From ugly, to stupid, from stupid, to fat, from fat, to worthless, from worthless, to useless, from useless, to “why don’t you just kill yourself already?” I’ve been called it all. Even though i’ve never weighed over a hundred pounds i believed it. I started starving myself and was soon diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. The bullies? they started saying i look “gross” or “disgustingly bony”. I was labeled the […]