So I had this plan worked out that this would be my last year. I would take the time to work things out so I could leave on my own terms. I know it sounds dumb. Suicide is supposed to be impulsive in a way; pain building until you can’t take anymore. But I want to make myself into a person worth remembering in a good way first. I know I can’t live much longer, I just don’t want to. I have my up days and my severe depressions and I always come back to the same place – there’s no point in keeping this […]
Tag:
Enlightenment
but I feel fucked up. I’m burnt out, I know it; I should stop. But why? Nothing gets better. Sober, enflamed.. the only difference is I have less control of my motor functions and my brain squeezes out more depression juice.
The juice is always flowing though, illicit drugs or no. I’m grateful for my brain, being so awake with such an open perspective, but it’s alienating. I felt apart from the general public before first doing drugs. The thing about them is that they just make you feel more of how you already feel.. at least for me they do.
My volume simply gets turned up; […]