I want to die. I don’t understand why, but I am getting so close. I am only 16 year old… but in the past year I have completely fell apart mentally. Starving, vomiting, cutting. Flashbacks, tears, pain. I’m so tired of it. I am in counseling but I don’t want to open up. I can’t open up. I’ve really tried, but it’s so painful. My parents didn’t care until they were forced to. I don’t talk at home. The last few months I have been trying to hold on for everyone who loves me. I am trying, trying so hard to focus on that. No […]
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Flashbacks
I had a dream on Wednesday, well more of a nightmare. I used to have that nightmare ever since I was very young. It was about voices. I never knew what they said, but their tone of voice was angered, even disappointed. They hate me, and I asked them why, but then on Wednesday night, after everyone slept, I laid in bed. I heard a long continuous beep and then the nightmare began.
Only, I hadn’t fallen asleep…
Those voices, which may as well be a replay of my dreams all the events that happened in that dream, every one of those nights replayed in my […]
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted…My holiday season was relatively calm..as I took off from work, and was off from school…mostly drama free except the ever present arguments with the asshole I’m forced to relate to as his daughter. But I digress.
School is back in full swing…in addition to more drama at work (seriously, I work with a bunch of 50 year old catty bitches in a freaking cafeteria…)
Needless to say, I’m already stressed the fuck out…looking for jobs, internships, working, going to school, dieting (i have a wedding to attend in june…needing to lose weight), and attempting to maintain my end of relationships. I’ve […]
This is going to be more of a rant really. Knowing me, a long(-ish?) post. My apologies (If anyone even goes on to read this) for probably many clichés and awful English. Apparently I’m a fairly good writer. Pah, I wonder who’d still think that after reading my journals? No, I think that people on here and around me are just kinder than I deserve. My friends deserve so much more than me (I’m sorry…).
But yeah, ‘what a surprise’. Choose to die. Fail. Find more reliable ways to die. Fail. Set a date: 101252. Ooh, what a shocker – fail. What’s my freaking problem this time? […]
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