How do you tell someone that they’re the reason? How do you explain to them that they need to stop, and think about the things they say to you before it’s too late?
I wouldn’t say I’m completely past the point of suicidal thoughts, I wish I were. But I’m definitely not past the point of looking for jobs in foreign countries and fantasizing about packing up everything and just vanishing.
Do loved ones even realize the effect they truly have on us? Do they understand anything about how our minds work?
I feel like I’ve told them a thousand times about how sad I […]
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Foreign Countries
I thought about jumping in front of the train again today… old thought. I try to figure out the logistics in my head. I thought about drinking and taking a bad combination of pills… making cyanide… putting a bag over my head after drinking a lot… I don’t have the guts. Maybe finding a way to get ********… might be easier. I watch the documentaries of people who go to foreign countries to end their lives… they have people there with them when they died… wishing them a safe journey… I wonder if I could ever have that.
I think I wouldn’t… I know I don’t.
I am a little bit ashamed i am here now. I am not thinking about suicide again, at least not so often. I just have this constant feeling of being down.
I am sometimes thinking i am not capable of feeling good or enjoying life. I have those episodes of euphoria when something incredible happens and when life surprises me spontaneously. But i feel they are terribly rare. I know i have no reason to be unhappy because i have so many things and new people around me and i even learned to be happy because of others. I also tried to talk about my problems […]