I am a little bit ashamed i am here now. I am not thinking about suicide again, at least not so often. I just have this constant feeling of being down.
I am sometimes thinking i am not capable of feeling good or enjoying life. I have those episodes of euphoria when something incredible happens and when life surprises me spontaneously. But i feel they are terribly rare. I know i have no reason to be unhappy because i have so many things and new people around me and i even learned to be happy because of others. I also tried to talk about my problems less because i don t want to bother other people with nonsense. So i came here again. I can t accept the fact that i can t find someone who will accept me and care for me, someone who will stay for a little bit longer. Someone who will notice me in the crowd. Simply love me. All my friends have had some kind of relationship, smth that lasted for a long time or still does. I talked to my roommate today and i was mad at her because  she asked me what do i have from talking to ppl from foreign countries. She thinks it s silly that i am excited when this friends of mine from other countries reply me. I mean some of those people are similar to me and we share a lot of interests and why can t i be happy at least with them when i can t be with real relationships. At least those people can t hurt me. and sure i know i am still young and there is plenty of time to meet someone but really i met so many ppl who are worse than me and they have had at least one normal relationship. even my mom wonders if there is smth wrong with me. I can t understand why is so hard to love me. I know i have flaws but don t we have them all and the point of love is to accept that person as she is.  I am waiting for a really long time now, and life has tricked me so many times now. Trust me i ve met so many weird and twisted people, my sister for example and even she can find someone. This Monday i turned 19 and i no one of my friends could have come to celebrate my birthday because they are all happy and in a promising relationships.  They rather stayed  at home with their love ones than went out with me. I was so disappointed because i was there for them every time they needed me and when they were alone. So i wanted to end my life again. Because everything seems pointless without that one person. There are so many heartless ppl and they are able to find sb and i happen to be nice and sweet, shy and no one likes me. No wonder i end up searching love in every guy that comes around. I also learned tot to show love too early or that you are fond of sb but still it doesn t help. There is this boy who is good, not really handsome but smart, and he told me he likes me. We met on New year s eve but he lives in another city. We talk every day but i just can t really fall in love with him. I wanted to force myself to be with him just to have somebody which my friends thought is lame and they don t really like him because he is calm, he doesn t drink or smoke and he doesn t go out at all. He also talks about himself all the time but i thought he likes me and maybe i can t find anyone better. but i couldn t really do it. So i decided to be alone and try not to fall in love again. I also hate that my friends probably think i am lame because i can t find anyone. I just wanted to share this. Because i am extremely unhappy and promised i won t show it in front of people i know. if anyone has a similar problem pls say. Because i now feel isolated from the rest of the world.
6 comments
its weird how i just signed up into this whole thing and i read your msg first. im not here to chat your ears off, but i actually kinda understand you. i dont wanna say i get you 100 percent but im feeling you. I just feel that the way im feeling no one can really get me 100percent. i know what your talking about when you say you have that one moment of euphoria you feel like it’ll be a permanent feeling but it really only is a temporary feeling attempting to replace a permanent pain and that cant happen. bc those feeling will leave and the pain is always still there and sometimes even stronger than before because now you feel stupid for believing in that temp. feeling. i feel exhausted from trying to much,believing so much and fighting so much. i gave up everything literally for someone that really decided after 5years 4 months-doesnt want to be there for me. he wants to be in a relationship but an empty one. and bc our personal and biz are deeply entwined, we;; when one feels messy, the other does 2 and my whole world just falls apart-all over again.im so tired of it i feel like im suffocating myself.
I’m now 29 years old and have never had a girlfriend. I’m very shy but am a nice person. People tell me I’m good looking, but women don’t seem to have any interest in me except as a friend. It’s hard to feel alone which is something I’ve felt for so long I don’t know any other feeling. I’ve felt isolated for a long time. Be patient. You’re young. The unhappy times will pass. Things will get better. Don’t worry about what your friends think. It’s what you think and like that matters. You are going through normal things. The isolation feels strong, but there are so many others like you. Finding intimacy is natural to all of us humans, and is extremely difficult.
Firstly, I had too spend Xmas alone this year. And really felt crappy about that. All my family had commitments elsewhere and I have no social freinds. That bummed me out for about 4 days until I accepted the fact, that allowing them to do as they wish for Xmas and without putting guilt on them, I allowed them to experience joy and happiness. What better gift could I give them for Xmas.
My son was 28 when he had his first girlfriend (
*** stupid computer***
As I was saying (yea, I’m an older guy). My son had no girlfriend at all. At first I thought he was gay and let him know if that was the case, I’m okay with that.
But no, he was just shy, quiet, not that attractive and not good around girls. But it finally happened.
Everyone gets around to it. Some people find partners later than others. Don’t judge your life on the lives around you. Everyone is different.
And I would gladly trade one late bloomer relationship for the fumbling heartless flings of my youth.
P.S. my son is in his 4th year of his relationship. I’m sure he has learned a lot.
I do understand. I am 45, and no one has ever been in love with me. No one ever spotted me in a crowd and chose ME. I don’t know why. I know I am ugly, but uglier people have found love. Does the universe just decide these things? For me, at my age, I knew it was time to make the choice. I need to either accept life knowing that it will be lived alone and untouched, or I needed to choose to release myself from it.
You sound too young to give up. I would hug you if I could because I know the emptiness and confusion. It has kept me up screaming to a God that doesn’t exist, begging for one love, to just know what it’s life to be in love.
thank you all for giving me such encouraging comments and advice ^^
i am glade i am not alone in this and i guess i know now i am not the only one. sure i am young ( i am saying that to myself since i was 13 huh) and every Valentines day i tell myself : maybe next year. sometimes it just hard to accept the fact there is plenty of time to meet someone when you want that now, in that moment especially when you are surrounded with people who are in happy relationships. those feelings of loneliness attack you from time to time and you feel helpless. but we have to feel love at least once in our life. i thought about it and if it exists (real love) it s worth waiting for. maybe we are not meant to meet all those wrong people on the way like most of the world 🙂