How do you pray for forgiveness? How do you pray for something you know God won’t grant?
I all the time feel lost.
Day by day I feel like it’s work to try to be friends with people. I feel like everyone around me is hypocritical and fake. I talk to my mom all the time about how one day my friend can be gossiping about someone non-stop and the next they’re going on a trip with that person and acting like they’re best friends.. I believe in forgiveness and I believe that if someone does wrong to you over time you need to forgive. I also believe in being true to yourself and making it clear to people who you are […]
How am I supposed to forgive myself when it’s me that did the worst thing I have ever done?
I was the emotionally abusive man; I lost the love of my life because of this…when I see myself, I see the bad guy from Sleeping With The Enemy or Cape Fear or Fear…I did horrible things(not as bad as those guys, but horrible nonetheless).
Every time I hear something on the radio or TV that pertains to a guy not knowing when to back down and walk away, I cringe because I know that guy is me. I know she’d never be able to forgive me because […]
I remember when I was a kid holding a knife to my throat to stop my folks fighting. Â Fast forward to life at 24 and not much internally has changed.
Listing my life’s unfortunate circumstances is pointless, everyone has suffering. Â However, the one constant has that the cumulative sum has all been ‘my fault’. After starting the process 4 years back to improve myself, it seems I’m the only one aware of my progress. Other folks just have shit to so.
Furthermore, when conflict arises and I stick to my reasonable intellect and try to better the energy, it seems like I hurt more than help. I […]
I know I haven’t posted in a while and that’s because I didn’t have anything to say. Now I have something to say. And it’s about the loveliest of creatures – a mother. I just got done talking to mine a bit ago, no, I wasn’t talking, she was. And that’s part of the problem. She talks and I don’t. She wants me to talk though. This sounds like it would be easily solved, but I feel like it’s not that easy. You see, my mom is not that interesting to me. That’s a horrible thing to say, but it’s pretty true. We’re just so […]
My feelings about suicide after a beloved family member took their own life in 2012.
Happier Times
December 16, 2008 – Tuesday […]
i think my body is telling me to die. when i am riding my motorcycle, i tend to lose myself in imagining that i crash at the road, lifeless body, or hit a trunk of a tree with a branch piercing my heart. when i in a trance like that, my body tends to press the oil even harder, making more speed. i smiled everytime i skidded a little on the road.
i have a couple of friends that i always hang out with in order to release pent up stress but now i felt that my mind is going crazier by the minute. when my […]
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