I thought I was better. Until this last month. Everything always crushes you with every pound it has. Everyones fake faces and voices and fake friendships even fake family. I recently started cutting and taking sleeping pills again. Sleep is so much more comforting. Even a nightmare is more peaceful than having to talk to and look anyone in their plastic eyes. I’m back to sleeping 16 hour days and cutting in the shower.
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Soundcloud.com/virtue_official
Tag:
Friendships
I woke up this morning and the first thought that came in to my head, as always, is that I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be in this house, in this city, in this country, in my life.
Feeling like this all the time just isn’t normal. There was a time when I was younger I could forget it all, brush off my worries with my friends and alcohol and even when I couldn’t, when it came down to the worse-than-usual days I had my friends to keep me going. I had 3 very good friends back then, 2 neighbours who […]
It is my intention to leave this life.
To start, I would say that I am not in that space where suicide helplines call “pain is greater than capability to bear.” I am not doing this on the spur of a moment’s depression or of a single terrible setback. No, none of these apply to me.
Let me share my story.
(1)
I was physically abused as a child. My father had rules that were only known to him. His mercurial moods did not help. From as young as pre-school (I do not remember exactly when they started), he would beat me, with his hands, with sticks, with canes. […]
So i sit here, going over my life story. Everybody told me that it would get better. They lied. So I stopped telling them things. My mom already told me I’m the reason they’re always fighting, and the reason of the divorce is the fighting. Maybe if I was out of their lives, it would be easier. For everybody. I’ve kept this in so long. I can’t keep living. I am destructive, I ruin everything I touch, my parents marriage, my relationships, my friendships, my life. I’ve ruined so many lives. Why can’t I just be normal? Because, I ruin everything. It’s always my fault. […]
It seems to me that everything about a relationship is involved in some kind of “magical” thought process otherwise its like a business – a cold emotionless exchange of “product,”(e.g. time spent together is comparable to buying cotton balls).
If you love someone then that is yielding to magical thinking. Love can be defined as an ineffable level of affection toward a person; if something is incapable of being expressed or if it is indescribable(i.e. there are no words to define it) then it is not natural(i.e. conforming to the ordinary); if something is not natural then it is supranatural or magical(i.e. producing awe).
Love is not realistic; love is inappropriate.
With […]
This seems like a lot of effort to say something rather uninteresting but it would be cruel to say nothing.
written by whycantijustuseanormalname
I have no reason, downfalls or problems for why I want too do this to myself all I know is that I want too. Senseless right? I agree, though I have been battling with it since I was about 12 so everyone has a breaking point right? No one has any idea of what I’m about to do either. Some in the past have seen how I am but probably thought as I got older I grew out of it as if it were a phase. Well if you’re reading this any of you… it doesn’t really matter any more does it. I’m texting my […]
The consequences of today are determined by our thoughts & actions of the past. To change your future, alter your thoughts & actions today. There is never a better time then the present.
1.“Action is the foundational key to all success.†– Pablo Picasso
2.“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.†– Jim Rohn
ie by changing nothing, nothing changes. You can’t expect to be doing the same thing, thinking the same thing and then expecting a differet outcome. ie a positive 2012. We are but the product of our habits & thoughts ~ if they are poor then so […]
I’m 23 years old, and i go to school to become an architect someday. I chose it because, well, drafting and mediocre skills in drawing are the only things that i can do naturally. Other than that i’m a total looser, like for real. When someone close to me once asked why i chose architecture i answered, but just because it was a really close person to me- my step grandfather, so it was a really honest answer, because all my life i couldn’t have anything i wanted: not a bycicle not a toy but only things that were from someone, my family is poor […]
I dont know what im going to do without her. She was my bestfriend at least i thought. I wasted 3 years of my life in some friendship. You might say friendships come and go.. but ill tell you why this one was diffrent. We were more then friends at one point. She started it and i went along with it just so happy that someone loved me. One night when she stayed the night she put her arm around me and that was it. Its as much as my fault as it is hers i didnt stop anything. Nothing serious ever happened just cuddling […]
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