I am sick of reading about promising outlooks for treatment.  I have been suffering from MDD/ TRD for too long. I’ve been on multiple combinations of meds for too many years nothing…..at least 40 different meds. I have had 19 ECT treatments ( with a lot of memory issues).  I’m sick of people not understanding.  I’m sick of running to appts.  Therapy….behavioral therapy…..psychiatrist….  Not to mention all of the rest.  I’m sick of fighting, crying, anger.  I just want my life over!  So many positive thing out there for help when I’m reading literature. Or trials so far away some simple person couldn’t even […]
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..this is 10 years of low self esteem, depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety.
This is 4 years and 4 months since I first discovered this website.
I still want to die.
___________________________
People always talk about holding on, it gets better and this isn’t your life forever, but when is the way I feel about myself or my life going to differ from the past 10 years? I’ve been shattered and broken by depression and this idea of suicide.. I’ve held, and held, and held, for what? Nothing has changed the way I feel and believe me, I have really put in maximum effort and tried to change […]
Where are you guys!? Are you guys okay? are you safe? is everything great?…..I hope all is well…if not…roll up a good one 😀
i’ve finally decided to do it. the date will be april 30, after watching the new spiderman 🙂 it’s been a great 25 years of life, but the past two years have just been too much to deal with anymore. somebody told me to love myself, and in this sense, i feel like i am. at least i wont feel anymore pain, right?
i’ve decided to use the hibachi method, hopefully, i can find burning coals along the way.
hey, whoever you are, thanks for reading this. i’ve lost people to talk to. i didn’t want to bother my friends anymore, and my family will just label […]
If I accept myself and my life- will that stop me from not trying to solve my Major Problem that’s causing me a great deal of shame and sense of worthlessness?
If I don’t, won’t that just make me forever miserable?
When my efforts fail and fail and nothing gets better, of course I want to end it all.
Then something may snap me out of that mood, but it is only temporary.
Because my efforts will still fail and fail and for as long as they fail will I have no hope and for as long as there is now hope will I want to leave…
Yet if I […]
To whom it may concern,
I wish i was a better story teller to describe why i am where i am today. But all i can really think of to share is the present moment. I am a 28 year old male with a fantastic dog great girlfriend low rent and seemily great life. The problem is no job… without a job means i will be forced to give away my dog lose my girlfriend home and great life style. Happiness has a price. I am finally realizing that it cost money to breathe and live in this world. Without a job to gain money i […]
Having a new kid in the house has been hard. Already had a 2 year old and now a 16 month old…. Its enough to make you feel like you are losing it. Went from working 50+ hours a week to now a strict 36 hours. Working on interviews for a 2nd job. Have been off my medication for 2 weeks now, not because I was trying to quit them but because I’ve simply been too busy and lazy to deal with refilling them. Not sure it was a great idea to avoid getting them refilled but hopefully it doesn’t set me back too far. […]
If you have recently lost someone to suicide, you might feel the following…
You will cry for perhaps hundreds of days on end. You might suffer severe sleep deprivation or sleep too much.
You may blame a lot of people, become extremely angry and vent on a lot of people.
You will probably be very unhappy with how people treat you in that they will avoid and ignore you as they cannot cope with the situation themselves, especially family who might isolate you as they do themselves.
There will be many unanswered questions.
The relief is, that if you are able to digest what has […]
Peer run – people like you and me, talk safe.  Give it a try the one in my city is great.
Ok, maybe I deserved this one. After laughing at Alex, I think I deserve what my other ex said to me. Nick and I were doing great, until I couldn’t keep my damn mouth shut. Now whenever I get near him, or any member of his family, they tell me I’m better off dead. Fuck you karma.
Its weird, when I was growing up in a very conservative home, went to a Christian school and I used to feel like I was suffocating all the time. I am not a very religious person because I don’t really see the point. Who can prove one god exists and one doesn’t? My life goes pretty smoothly and I have great family and friends and I play college sport; so it seems as though my life as a purpose right? I feel as though when I truly look at life as a whole I don’t understand how God (whoever that may be) can not be […]
I feel this weird combination of hate and depression. I hate everyone else, yet I feel depressed every time I see them (my “friends”). What hurts me the most is the fact that nothing really really bad has happened to me, yet I feel very depressed and sad. I shouldn’t. There are people who are in a worst situation than me. But I can’t get over that feeling. I feel alone, yet maybe I’m not. Maybe I should be happy, but I don’t feel happy. I feel really sad.
I’ve been told like a million times things like “Get over it. I think you’re the one […]
I met this guy over the summer. He goes to an ivy league school and was doing a summer internship at a very well known investment banking company. Perfect 10. If finance doesn’t work out for him, which it will, he could become a model, date a celebrity and never work a day in his life again. Turns out he was gay so we slept together and that was that, and I knew that was that. A few months later he added me on Facebook which I thought was significant because I’d never even told him my name. As usual everything in my head ran […]
Hello there,
I am approaching 40 yo and am looking for reasons why to live still. I find it difficult to be with people, and that includes anyone, including my parents with whom I have recently (2months) moved home with.
I have a long simple yet complicated story but will share to see if anyone can relate or perhaps offer any words of wisdom.
The story starts I guess about 12 years ago, when living with someguys, whom after a while I found not being able to contribute to stories etc, so would politely excuse myself from their presence, ie go outside for a smoke, say i’m going to […]
im in the studio right now, and I’m having a break down. i can’t do this. i want to talk to him so badly. i can’t stop freaking out. i want to talk to him. i can’t. i want to graduate. i want my work to be great. i want a good life. i want him in my life forever, but not as friends. i want him to know how much i love him and care about him and how insane he is. all i want is to be with him, to graduate, and to get a job. i fucking sitting in the corner right […]
Most mornings I wake up wondering why Im still alive. I hate life, there are good, even great things in my life, but they don’t make me happy. The people I love or like to hang out with and the things I like to do only make me comfortable for a bit, even a couple of days, but the desire to die always come back and it is getting stronger by the second. I just never understood whats the point of life. Work and have kids???? that doesn’t sound very appealing to me. I work and go to school, but I would just love to stay […]
So basically people are absolute dicks head in my local towns, like I am a pretty normal guy except I love metal I have long blonde hair and I tend to fuck things up quite easily, and I don’t even know how.. Like my ex girlfriend I had loved her for over 2 years and when I finally worked up the courage to ask her out ( also we were really good friends) to my surprise she said yes 😀 but then everything fucked up real fast, she said she didn’t like me anymore, since then it has been 2 months and she has ignored […]
Truth is, I don’t believe in love. I believe in great attachment, bordering on stalking and obsession, but not “love”
I love nights, and I love dreaming. I dont give a fuck that dreams are illusions, they make me feel happy for a few hours. But why in hell do I have to wake up every single time? I am finally feeling great, as if depressions were over and a new chapter in my life has begun; and then BAAAM. Reality punches me straight in the face. “You actually thought you could ever be happy? HAHAHA, forget it.” As if it had the plan to let me feel how great my life could be only to destroy all my hopes in a single second.
Reality is […]
Off to the Wacky Shack in an hour, good bye to all you beauts and thank you!
by Shootyhoops
written by Shootyhoops
Pretty soon i’m gonna get sent from my doc’s office to a “long term intensive care unit”. Looked it up and it seems like the loony bin which I guess is where I belong. Guess I should explain why I am in this predicament. Two weeks ago I got home from a party where some things had gone badly, read the posts here of course looking for comfort that never comes, as we all do. After reading it was about 4 in the morning so I just figured now is as good a time as any and I slit my wrists (heavily fucked up on […]