I rather die now rather then later, i have thought of death since i was 5 or so and thought of ways to go to do the deed, i am 24 now . I was married for 3 years to my highschool sweetheart. I work at a hospital and love the place. I am mostly known as a bright , outgoing happy go lucky girl, but I much rather die. There is this pain that I am always surrendered to, a feeling of almost bliss when I surrender that yes its my time to die. I feel calm and the pain seems to make since […]
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Happy Go Lucky Girl
Life is hard. And most of the time I can’t take it anymore. I’m not saying my life is the worst but I’m not saying its the best either. On the outside to my closest friends and to family I seem fine, okay. A happy go lucky girl thats enjoying her teenage years. A girl who smiles an laughs a lots. A girl that can hold her own and can never be beatin or brought down. I seem strong. But the real me, the real me is weak. A weak scared confused girl. A girl who is so use to faking her happiness she forgot […]
I hate feeling sorry for myself. I realize how good I got it. How AWESOME my life would be to most. On the outside this “wanna-be hard ass” or that “beautiful smile that lights up a room” type of happy-go-lucky girl (As my 4th grade teacher would say). This girl who’s loud and fun to be around aka the LIFE of the party; that girl who doesn’t want the party to stop ……. That’s the problem ; that’s who you see … That’s who I allow you to see. I’m SUCH a good actress aren’t I? … because this girl inside , is dying … […]
i just start this by saying that iam none ohther than a desparate girl who wants love and affection.don’t know why god have designed my life in such a different way.In my chilhood i used to be a dancer,singer,script writer and even more a cheerful happy go lucky girl.all of a sudden everything changed dramatically.Being only daughter everyone called me lucky.in my 11th class i started my journey towards pain and day-to-day crying.Who knows that a single girl gets cheated from her own friends just because she looked pretty than her friends.i always wanted to smile even at bad situations too,,but see my fate […]
Here I find myself again, with tears streaming and a heart that aches. I have no idea what to do. I feel lost in a world that is passing me by, crippled by the fears of the unknown that consume me. So many paths lay before me and I can’t even take the first step, the pain inside crippling. Betrayal, anger, hurt, hate, love, loss; all consuming thoughts.   I don’t want to be here.  I feel tired and broken and the task of putting the pieces back together is impossible; even if I could, I would never be the same. My life can be seen […]