Garrett’s moving. I’m never going to see him again. It just makes me want to tell him how I feel… But I just can’t. I won’t be hurt again. I refuse. I deserve better. I fucking deserve better than what I’ve got. I deserve happiness. I deserve love. Â Or maybe I don’t. I mean, how much can be taken away before I have nothing? I feel like I’m completely gone already. I feel like my heart’s been cut out. Ripped out, more like. I just want Garrett… I really do. But he’s gone. Today was his last day. I should have told him. But I […]
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Happy Moments
I must have been around 8 or 9 when my mother first brought me to a psychologist. I had to draw a tree and had to talk to the lady. Obviously I must have been depressed but I didn’t know the word for it. When I was 21 I did three suicide attempts over a 2 year period. The internet did not exist then and my method of trying to die humanely (sleeping pills – Lorametazepam to be exact) were not to succeed. Sleeping pills in combination with a bag: no use either. I was only left with the humilation of waking up in a […]
So… I’ve never been good at talking about my problems…. but here it goes..
For the past year I have had major depression problems… Which shouldn’t make sense, I have awesome friends, an okay family and an amazing boyfriend… Yet nothing seems right. Nothing fills the void.. Every day I wake up and ask why I didn’t pass in my sleep … I wish every night not to wake up. Lately I have also been extremely sick, from lung infection to ears, to having strep throat. I have no life left in me, there is no candle light burning… It went out a long time ago, […]
People tell me that with time, i’ll start to feel happy again. I guess its sort of right. I always have my happy moments, but somehow it has to stop. Something always wrecks it.
Today my mom broke up with her boyfriend, he was such a good guy to her.. She really deserves a person like him, i just think shes afraid to get attatched again since my parents divorce. Anyway, she got rid of her bed because it was his, and she is sleeping on the floor for a while. I wanted to give her my bed for the time being, but she would […]
With a heartbeat
dragged screaming from my rest
They cut me short.
Im a God whore now
Hiding under desks to hide away from people.
Whats with this Shyness
No dont do that
No Dont think that
Its Gods Will
Its wrong
Its Evil
They Laugh
They are Happy
Have Friends
They all going to hell
What is this wall
I can see you
What is wrong with me
Where is your sense of pride boy
Happy moments
Sad sack
There are people I love so much
And […]