Lately I’ve been crying myself to sleep every night. i keep seeing my dads dead body when I close my eyes at night or I dream that he is still alive. It’s twisted because when I was still in the womb he attempted to stab me. I hated hearing that as I grew up. He was a drug addict, and had about 6 fatal infections leading up to his death. The flesh eating one is what killed him two years ago a week before my 16th birthday. We had a rocky relationship. From the age of 6-12 he abused me. I lived with him […]
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Having A Heart Attack
Here’s a scenario… imagine your life was nothing. Imagine waking up every morning scared of what will happen today….knowing nothing will happen because you aren’t good enough and some one in your head constantly reminds you of it. You promise yourself it’ll be different but that second person knows it wont and flaunts it. You get ready for school and if you don’t have time or your hair isn’t doing the right thing you freak out and hyperventilate. You think you’re having a heart attack and can not breathe but you still make your way out the door and to the bus for school. Once you […]
I’ve browsed this site on numerous occasions and it is a comfort to realize that I am not the only person out there that feels like I do. I am almost 39 y o, married, I have 5 children of my own (whom I do not have custody of which is a long story) and 2 step sons. I love my kids, my husband, my family. I am not what you would call “depressed” as much as “desperate”. I am a homemaker (which is a nice way of saying I am unemployed and unemployable, again, another long story) and our family is subsisting off of […]