I don’t know what is wrong with me. I don’t feel like I have control over my body anymore. I don’t feel like I have control over anything. I want to cry…scream, shout. Something…I have all of this…this emotion built up inside of me and each one wants to get out. One minute I’m happy and the next I’m enraged. I’m sad and frustrated. I want company and I want to be left the fuck alone. I need to talk and yet, I need to shut up all together as well. I just need to stop existing for a while until I can get a […]
Tag:
Heavy Heart
I have such an amazing life but I don’t feel it. I know there is potential in me but I don’t feel it. I feel tired and sad and careless. I feel deep guilt for causing stress to my husband with my anxiety attacks and thoughts of suicide. I don’t want to get up anymore. I don’t want to do school. I have short moments when I’m soaring and feel like I’m on top of the world but then all of a sudden feel like I can’t handle life anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore. I find myself wishing I never existed far […]
This is not ‘Gyan’. But this is my Suicide story.
I write this with a very heavy heart. Not that I knew Jiah Khan personally. Not that I thought she was a fabulous actor, she was decent but very beautiful, she’d do very well indeed if she had  willed. But she was woman, like me. She was a person like us all. She was struggling with life and she gave up, she quit.
Her suicide story took me down memory lane. Not a pleasant one of course. The darkness is mostly never pleasant. I certainly find it addictive and I have witnessed its malignant face too. I […]
As I put you in a little box of lost dreams and lost loves. I do it with a heavy heart. I don’t want to put you in the box. You are the only one that does not deserve to be in there. But I must so I will not love again. You take all the love I had and pull it in with you. I wish that you were in my heart instead. But I must put you in the box of broken dreams.