Heavy Heart

Well you are going through a lot right now and trust me I have been there. I have had anxiety attacks and panic attacks with heavy depression that my heart would beat inside my chest to the point of painfuness. My mind would race over every bad situation I have ever been through and that is a lot and I would have an overwhelming desire to end my liife. I tried to too. I got pastit and you can too. You need to take care of your emotions when they come and find a way that works for you for each situation. Like you say you feel you have no control over your body, well yes you do and when that feeling comes up find a place to lay down take some deep breaths maybe put on some sot positive musi and then just regain control of your body one step at a time and focus on your breathing. You can relax your body buy controling your breathing.

You say you feel like you want to cry then have a good cry its good for you. Sometimes its best to have somebody close to hug you when you cry and just get it all out then you will feel better. then tell yourself its all goig to be OK.

You say you sometimes feel like you need to shout then do it. Take a walk to a private place like maybe up into the woods or at the end of a park or on the edge of a body o water and then just scream your ass off for a few minutes. Get it out and you will feel better. then calm yourslef down with deep breaths and then go do something that is theraputic. Take a Jaccuzi tub or draw something. Write your goals down on a notepad. call a friend and go get coffee and just chat. if you dont have frieds then go to a coffee shop and meet somebody

It ould be good for you to both have company and time alone. you need a balance there. when you do have company only kee company with people that are positive and uplifting and remember that if you want a friend you need to also be a friend so just dont talk about your problems all the time but you need to listen and be helpful to them too.

There is a way out…. but it takes some action on your part and some determination to get better. You might want to seek out a counselor or a phychiatrist to go see and talk things over and you may be put on meds. TAKE THEM they can work while you are going through this mania and calm you down enouogh for you to make some choices with your life and to get help.

Life does not have to be tortourous, you maybe torturing yourslef with a negative mindset you need to learn to look at the bright side of things and find ways to get happy.
find some mature people to be around or to have even as a email buddy.

Exercise is also good for calming down mania. Me I go for lg walks when I am having mental
emotional issues and it works. Its good foro you…. and keeps you healthy find a fun place to go for walks like down buy a river or some trails through the woods.
chat with people and smile. look for a support group in your area.
good luck
you can make things better for yourself